back to school

dear jess,

in the hype of my craziness, we had decided to search out the tattoo shop, to get a piercing. and then i just decided to get not one, but two piercings, rather spontaneously.

the massively tatooed piercer gave me a pen and told me to mark myself and i looked at my cynical half who laughed and then subsequently refused to pen me.

he countdown and my mind tried to imagine what the pain was like because it had been at ages since i had pierced the ears and probably six years for that other spot. so i hadnt any idea. the first one hurt and then we went lets get another. HAHA. and it wasnt all that bad. well not till later.

so, i have my three holes on ear. next time i do something spontaneous, it should be less painful. its been three nights sleeping on one side. still, it was fun.

yours,

jess

it almost feels like its a new year..

Dear jess

Ever since Saturday I had consciously made a decision to be happy. Well, no, its not one of those self help indulgences. Instead, it’s a conscious effort to be this expression I call crazy happy. I wonder if i excel, id be like avril lavigne and loose my “mojo”

Or perhaps quite the opposite, id gain back who I thought I always was. I use to be completely spontaneous and mad. And that shall return, just as much as my beloved cynical half has. And with that, im going to pierce something.

I had gone to the auditions and for once, it completely didn’t matter if I got it. I was singing myself home. I had done something I wanted too and I was feeling complete. Like the thought that it doesn’t matter anymore if I can be this or that, as long as I have done it and enjoyed doing it.

I’ve learned so much about people over the weekend and in return learned about myself. Ive seen the ones that try to include their boyfriends in their conversations, and the ones that try to include themselves in it. And ive also seen the ones that despite being so exhausted, still manage to make everyone laugh.

As for me, ive been completely blessed by a bunch of teenagers, a quick talking 12 year old who I miss greatly and all she has as a memory of me is a spongebob keychain. How appropriate.

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands, but in seein new eyes. Marcel Proust.

yours,

jess

k, can someone explain to me what that is on the right side of a photo that looks like a pic of a family or something.... i don rmbr anything being there!

moments of madness

dear jess,

ah! talking to myself is getting boring. in this hideous manic mood, everything seems possible. yes, a man once refused to be treated for his manic depression, simply because he said "i must have my manic moments."

well, whilst i still havent been diagnosed, my manic moment appeared in the form of extreme energy, positiveness of taking over the world and just being crazy. all proper symptoms of the former mentioned psychosis, mind you. i sat down at the table and was disturbing the person opposite me with singing from my written down notes, taking a hanger and shooting at his pimple and then going back to singing, amongst many other odd things.

its true, if you have your moments of manicness, you dont want to trade it in. you feel almost like a high, without even sipping a cup of coffee, you feel that your personality is capable of taking over anything and anyone, you find everything humorous and innumerable amounts of energy to conquer anything.

i remember being manic for more than a short time once. when i was young. i suppose getting grumpy is not necessarily manic deppresion as much as it is, ageing.

or perhaps the manicness can be attributed to the subconscious knowledge that the near future promises adventures and companionships. doesnt matter.

the only problem with anything, manic depression or mood swings; is that everything that goes up eventually comes down.

bah!

jess

swinging it

dear jess,

i rushed to pull the two boys away from each other. the punch was swinging and i was headed right in the middle of it. i closed my eyes and anticipated the punch to hit me. i realise this only much later. but, it didnt. i opened my eyes and as i tore the boys apart, i pulled them by the neck and headed the both of them to the disciplinarians office.

just another day, in a public school..

i surely didnt sign up for this and as long as i teach in a public school, ill always have stories to tell. do i hate it? hell no, i love those boys to bits.

punch or none.

yours,
jess

loneliness

dear jess,

when its late and i have no one next to me, a vague and yet slightly familiar friend visits. he sits with me and makes me fear him. he makes me think a little too much and feel slightly empty. i try in vain to search for something to watch, or do so that i dont have to be with him.

but, alas, all my attempts fail.

he continues to sit with me.

and i look him in the face and ask him. why does he visit me even when im with other people? why is he there even when im busy or when i have things to do?

as usual, he never answers. i suspect his silence is part of the ploy that he is here with me.

every now and again, i get lonely. even when im next to the one i love. i wonder and asks, and he still keeps silent.

yours,
jess

brazillian barbaque

i discovered recently that there is a brazillian barbaque buffet where meat is served on skewers and a salad bar where how much u can eat depends on your stomach. it was a really nice experience with my family. mmmm the garlic bread was soooo awesome ;) this one was chicken ham...

in essence

dear jess,

its officially half a year.

there is a certain amount of repetition in our lives that we become accustome to that we forget that its a repetition. alot of things become one too familiar. i know thats why people leave, migrate, but even somewhere else, repetition repeats itself, finding its place in the security of our lives.

we plan the same camp year after year. and then i realise that the year i dont, it doesnt make much difference because, really, we do the exact same thing.

some people have gone away and come back, and they are, the same. they have neither increased in a better etiquitte or reason.

change comes slowly. for sure.

sometimes all too slowly that we wait for it. i know. i should do more. everyday that i havent, everything else around me changes.

perhaps some days you wish you woke up to a musical, and everyone breaks into song and dance. and then you realise, you never would.

its been half a year. i look forward for the next half.

yours,

jess