the good die young

dear jess

there was this sign that i fail to remember where i saw now. it was huge and it said "i love art, i just hate the art world" i laughed on the spot and did a "mental gesture" of fisting my heart towards the sign. my cousin, i think it was, next to me just remained blank. i didnt bother to explain.

there is a point in history-local theatre english history to be specific where someone was noted for winning the "first" english playwrighting script. the rules were that you can submit an unpublished work. his? wasnt. yet he wins first prize and he goes down in history for being the first at something.

there was another competition where the runner up was told that his play wasnt chosen because it was "too controversial." the "real winner" goes home feeling like a million dollars. he too goes down in history.

there are people in theatres today who write scripts and do a really bad job but still perform in large stages. they, will go down in history. all i can do is scratch my head and wonder frustratingly why so many untalented undeserving people can get so far.

i know that we all realise that at some point history is more closely related to fiction than anything else but im still, foolishly, a believer that our extremely imperfect world is capable of doing the right thing at the right time sometimes. i suppose "luck" plays a larger role in our lives than we think it does. well, perhaps more in other peoples lives than ours.

i love art. i hate the art world.

*fists*

jess

dear jess,

dramatic times!!

the embarassment, the shock, the slap on the face.. everyone loves a good tale of people fighting for their rights and actual change being made. truth be told, this should have been a long time coming. the facade of previous PM which people STILL think of him as a "godfather" should have too realised that malaysians were not happy with the unequal treatment. of course, back then we had some form of prosperity and malaysia was supposedly being put on the world map with tall buildings and big race track.

people i speak today of still uphold that we wouldve been nothing without some of those things. seriously, do we really need a tall building and a world class track if our basic rights were being compromised.

i know theres so much happiness in the shock, i guess i just think its scary that when you have a charismatic leader who can scold you into submission, people thought that was good. but alas, that was the past.

it was a crazy night with people at weddings standing in front of the tv's watching the news. i got a mail today that was addressed to tv3 and cc'd concering why we werent told the news of the results properly and on time. i didnt even know that selangor was in opposition till sunday evening. newspapers were sold out and i assume the people i lunched with also didnt know cos they didnt say anything!

so clearly im still in shock that selangor is in the opposition. good shock. the opposition has promised to be more transparent. no matter what happens, its good to know that the ruling should be afraid of the people and not the people of the ruling, yes?!

now, i wonder if we can get rid of that jail up north that allows people imprisonement without trial..

long live OUR malaysia!

sing mak bedah sinG!

yours,

jess

the countdown..

dear jess,

there is an epic proportion weighing in the back of whatever brain left that i own, telling me that in order to remain psychologically healthy i have to continue expressing myself. the eclipse of my time edges over and im slowly preparing myself for soon enough i will have to blow off the big three-oh on my cake. i cant even confront that by writing down the number. needless to say, denial has always been my best friend.

in my mind, im all set though. not like i have the option of turning back anyways. i grew up all of my 29 years never having a birthday party. not once. it has always been just family or close friends but growing up i didnt get any of those mc-donald parties or even those at home where friends would bring around gifts. i dont hold a grudge, but it has made me believe that parties should always be thrown by someone else who appreciates you, hence i havent gotten a party in 29 years HAHA.. im sure its just that no one would go through the trouble. denial, best friend; remember?

so im throwing a few -or so i think- for myself. and having a bash, while im at it, or so i think. but thats not the point of this letter was it? in some ways i think im looking forward to becoming a "woman."

time to be brave and to be my own person. time to go to the doctors without my mummy? she follows me, what am i to say i dont need you? okay so maybe i don really want to grow up, after all i always want my mummy for some things in life.

but i really want certain things that come with age, knowing who iam and being obnoxious about it, even when im wrong!

haha. well. there is always one thing that is good about growing older and i can attest to it. you stop wanting people to like you as much, realising that it really doesnt matter and you stop caring lesser and lesser about what people think about you, or things that relate to you. which explains why by the time you're 80, you can curse and not care!

to ageing and all its perks!
jess