Thursday, November 30, 2006

tHe cOnStaNt pOunDinG iN yOUr heAD

.dear jess

The spread of humankind is plagued by verbs that limit us. Fear. Is that a verb? I never paid much attention in English classes. It was. Boring.

Life is a funny thing. When you have to do something that might be important to you suddenly you fear. You fear going to the audition because you don’t want to be rejected, or worse still if you got the part you fear you will really know how much you weren’t made to do the part.

The little voice that plants fear in your head always gives you the easy way out. You have no time. You have no money. You don’t really need it.

We fear making ourselves more interesting, or was it just plain laziness. We are too lazy to discover the deserts of western Australia, is there a desert there? I never paid much attention to geography, and yet I minored it. We aren’t too bothered about aiming for studying somewhere or working on a cruise ship that will take us places, because it’s much easier to be a computer technician here. We are too lazy to rock our world.

Here’s my “favourite.” Regret. Most of us live most of our lives in regret. We think that if we regret enough that we will have punished ourselves enough. We regret that one night but its too late because now we have Aids, we regret that one week, but now its too late because the due date has been long gone, we regret that one second, because now its too late, that she’s dead, gone and she will never know.

In that too often than not more than one moment we always wished we did this and didn’t do that. Went for this and not that, said this and not that.

Funny things we are. Human beings. And yet, more often than not we don’t find ourselves laughing.

Through all the world there goes one long cry from the heart of the artist: Give me leave to do my utmost. -Isak Dinesen



Wednesday, November 22, 2006

conGrAtS :)

weDdiNG dAy :)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I mAkE a LoUsY frEN aNd iM noT asHaMeD!

Dear jess,

Someone asked someone (why do most stories began that way?) if the reason I hadn’t met up with that someone was because of a boy?

As I ponder in thought – not for an answer to the question but rather for how I should react. As I did, think; some things crossed my mind, do I seem like the type who would ditch people for a boy?; do people not know me? and of course do I really care enough to react?

Whilst it is the easiest and most reasonable to pick on that reason, the privacy of my quirky, less unfathomable personality must once again be made known much to my discomfort.

I don’t make a good friend.

And admittedly I don’t intend to. As selfish, ignorant and down right silly that sounds, one must be given credit for being honest.

With the best of persons there are, I sometimes just cant be bothered. I love going into my hole and being there by myself. The much noisy and extrovert person I thought I was has a stone in which she hides in for months.

Perhaps there are reasons for this. Sometimes it’s because meeting up with people means the worse of all; being put in a position where I’m somehow obligated to tell them my personal life. Being ‘friends’ and having a past together means I have to tell them my present. Or perhaps that there is nothing much that have changed; and even more so nothing that changed that they can accept as much as they would like to believe they can.

I am strange. no doubt. when im in a gleeful mood i feel that im in love with the whole world and want to have coffee with everyone. hence the bipolar disorder i claim to have

Im probably one of this people who will die a lonely death (laughs to self) or contrary; a crowded one with people all looking for me because i havent met up with them in months.


Your Quirk Factor: 42%

You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it.
Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them!

i WenT anD goT mE a FisH :)

my first cAtCh :)