tHe gOod, thE bAd aNd tHe uGLy...

dear jess,

there are several paths we need to choose from. or if we're not so lucky, we're forced to choose from. alot of times we wonder what are we here for, and if our meager existance has been accounted for.

some days i feel like i live in the bronx, not that ive ever been there to make a comparison. after a few months of my unknown perpetrator trying to enter my car, ruebens car gets robbed into, leaving the car window smashed. all because he had parked a few doors down. with less than 3 hours of sleep i had to meet mark teh, who was sweet with that unassuming grace i mentioned.

so, as i was saying. paths. having met two people in the arts scene my brain has been left working overtime. i suppose i couldnt have been so naive to expect that meeting passionate people would have not affected me in the least bit? but alas, i suppose i did.

and now im left to ponder with one too many things. one too many things that have questioned what im doing and left me to wonder if its right, wrong or even necessary.

for all the people who thrive to make the world better, more meaningful, something that leaves audiences to think, there's ten others to make the world worse.

do you reckon that we are people living mundane lives unaccounted for? shouldnt everyone be passionate about at least one thing? i remember once at bible study someone said that the mundanity is part of a normal life and that something along the lines of God wanting us to just live that way as long as we are good christians.
shouldnt we strive for more?

i guess at some point last year, all i wanted to do was stay in bed. and stay there and away from people as long as i could. talented and "great" people made me afraid. afraid that in that i would reveal my own weaknesses.

talent is something i cant fix, but my fear is.

come with me on this journey? and when you get there you can tell me it was all worth while? and ill do the same for you.

yours,
jess

whY DId THe cHicKen cRoSs thE roAD?

unassuming.

dear jess.

come friday and other days i will have to interview the unassuming journalist cum artist, and before that the young chap who just happens to be an accomplished artist dabbling in political issues. then, when im done with them i have to interview people who have been in the arts since the dawn of time, dancers, actors, directors who just happens to be great at what they do.

after goofing off with food, family and gambling, the time has come for me to officially go in to panic mode, cum scatter brain mode cum dont stress me out mode? see, im already becoming scattered brained.

you know that you've met great people; when they talk, you are in awed of them and then you know you've met not so great people when you wonder when they'll stop talking. its funny that when and if you ever become someone "great" that you can also be generous.

truth is. in my brains im telling myself they're just people and remindng me that God hasnt given me a "spirit of fear" - thats my resolution this year. but somehow as much as im trying not to think that i'll somehow screw up by asking a stupid question, spilling my coffee, not recording the interview, forgetting the questions, laughing till i snort.... perhaps im just thankful that i get to meet 'the greats.'

i know what you're thinking. that i may end this letter saying predictably that im aiming my life to be one of the greats? au contraire! being great takes energy, effort and unassuming grace- all of which i not only have, i plan not to either.

of course, no one plans to be great, it just happen's to be their "destiny."

i dont really have a point to this. perhaps ive been watching too much heroes and perhaps i too have been thinking what my destiny be, come the time. the fight for individuality to be something other than someone in a cubicle, in the midst of other cubicles, in the midst of offices, in the midst of more offices. was that their destiny?

there's one thing i know. i should be working on my ticking time bomb than writting you this letter.

ps. im still in shock that my cynical half tells me "bolsters" only exist in malaysia, well that is in comparison to the countries she's been to. *blink*

yours,

jess

i'Ve bEeN... mAkiNG sAngRiA's!

dear jess

Im thrilled that the year is almost coming to an end. Usually cny is nothing but an eating fest for me and my other half; my stomach. But something is different “this year.” Perhaps it is that im viewing the year as starting tomorrow, perhaps its that many things will be ending and starting soon, perhaps it’s the promise of going places, seeing people and perhaps, just perhaps it’s the new, and not necessarily nice unknown.

For once, all of it feels good, even if it might be bad. Perhaps its also the fact that eating a lot makes me happy, and therefore whatever the unknown may be it will be okay.

"destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved "-william jennings bryan

yours,

jess

i DonT beLIEVe THAT....

thEre Are aCtuALLy cHocoLAteS WAYYYYYY tooooo yuMMy to EAT!!!!!!!!!

tReatEd to SomE coMedY

malaysia's very own comedians. definitely the most succesful. and well, i guess i'll have to watch them more since my prediction that russell peters wasnt gonna make it here has come through. BUT go watch comedy courts next show. i promise, no regrets. www.comedycourt.com.my

the abandon buildings at sentul park. hauntingly beautiful

hApPy V-DaY :)

You Are A Realist

When it comes to romance, you tend to take a realistic approach. You believe that love takes time, and it's something you have to work hard for. A bit cynical, over the top romance tends to get under your skin. Your heart is difficult to win ... but it's totally worth it.

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

wHere iS mY biG bLacK hOrSe aNd a ChErRy tReE?

dear jess,

after living for almost THREE decades (well soon enough) and speaking the same language all this time, you'd think you got it down?

well, i guess not. apparently i need someone to help me out with my language on my ever being worked at thesis. my scatterbrain-ness (this is how i deteriorate my language) is showing and ive got information here, there, past and present tenses, everywhere else.

the only girl i know who has the qualifications to read my nonsense is busy with her own nonsense and is getting only four hours of sleep. well, at least she wont be needing to find an extra person to read her stuff for language :)

i think i need to sound smart. and we all know thats not gonna happen anytime soon. Anyone needs an extra reading material?

ps. if there were any mistakes in my letter, it wasnt mean as a joke within a joke. yes i think i really do need help :)

thank God for kt tunstall :) two seconds of her and your spirits are all lifted up.

A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. -Thomas Mann

yours,

jess

wHo oN eArtH LivEs liKe tHis?????

i dO !!!

if my mind had a face, it'll look like this about now..

sLeEp WaLkiNg

dear jess,

its a new year, with new beginnings. yeap, me and my cynical half have decided that our new year only begins at CNY. both our "western" years started out horrificly bad, so we've decided, its only but the end of the year now, and we're coming to new beginning really soon.

and with that, ive been dawned upon on my last year and how strangely horrible it was. no one died. in fact that was the reason why it was so horrible. it was normal. the worse of all, i had stopped dreaming. i stopped reading coehlo, yes he is essential to me dreaming; however i am essential to my dreaming. you can read but not be touched, dream but not be moved, act but never be elated. and worse of all live, but not be alive.

that has been me. ive been that simply because i didnt know anymore, and didnt want too anymore, and honestly, simply because it seemed easier.

this year, i want to dream. i lost my spirit when i wasnt and i hope i find it back. some of my dreams may never come true but if i stop, some of my living will never be.

its time to stop being the baker.

"The old man pointed to a baker standing in his shop window at one corner of the plaza. "when he was a child, that man wanted to travel, too. But he decided first to buy his bakery and put some money aside, When he's an old man, he's going to spend a month in Africa. he never realized that people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of."

The Alchemist, Coehlo

yours going to sleep every minute of the day,
jess