Saturday, September 25, 2010

where art thou?

dear jess,

gosh, does anyone write anymore? or for that matter read...?? clearly, i haven't been doing much of any lately. its the last few months as the year closes.. i suppose i should tell you one of the few things thats happening in my life.

after six years of not being on stage, i'm finally in the midst of preparing for a performance! me- not only acting, but acting, singing and get this- dancing! ive always managed to make a 180 the minute i see an audition post that requires me to sing and dance.

i remember as we bumped in on the night of THSE and i stood on the stage alone. the smell- the feeling.. it was as if i was on stage again- i was pushed back into time, and i was on stage- theatres that now no longer even exist! there was a yearning... the one inside me that i thought i had put to rest, but clearly was very much alive.

sometimes, when i allow it too- i start to think of people that have "started" their journey in theatre with me. some of them are now directors, professional actors and even scriptwriters. many years back that ate some parts of me.

here i was, and i had very little "accomplished" what i would name as my passion.. or at least what i initially came to love- acting, being on stage.. it seemed like parts of me had to go on stage one more time, just to see..

no doubt, this is what i enjoy, but, part of me whispers to the other part of me, that i can leave this behind. that i would be happy living in a state that has no theatre. i can be happy not having to put myself out there, auditioning, seeing my peers live out my initial dream. i could. i would not be bitter, in fact i never thought i'd feel this way.

but perhaps, every once in the while when the beast awakens in me, i will feel otherwise and i will crave that longing, to be on stage, in character, making the audience laugh, and perhaps one day, cry.

in the meantime, see you on stage,