Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
I know you will believe me when I say I don’t want to come back. Its only a couple of hours away but still.. I suppose being away makes you feel that for once you don’t have to live up to everyone else’s expectations.
We do so many things to please people. family, friends and the ever saying yes to easter plays so that the confrontation of finding a better excuse other than “I don’t feel like it” won't be too awkward.
But when you’re away, all people expect of you, is to enjoy yourself. And sometimes, you realize that people back home, all they want you to do, really, is what they want. Or what needs to get done.
As usual. Just like the degree I majored in, I have more questions than conclusions.
Here’s my take on the best kept secrets down south, some i've discovered for the first time too, and well some other madness that kept me sane.
i have gladly drowned you with pictures after pictures after pictures..
needless to say, im still in shock and wondering what meal a snail the size of my palm with polka dotted body is cooked into? all the food displayed is still alive and moving. a stall at settlement, some of the delicacies are only available when the tide is high.
this is the king crab (horshoe crab) placed upside down, it will attempt to turn itself with its tail (see video). the crustacean is really a part of the family of the scorpions (!) and is baked on fire, and the front part open to reveal eggs aplenty. when caught its always in pairs, a male and female and the male thrown back in because there arent any eggs to eat in them. in malay, it is known as the belangkas, when the name is used on you? it means ure just to freakin sticky to your boyfriend or girlfriend. haha. all in all. its a MUST try for everyone. what an experience..
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
have you had one of those days where you doubt what you do? where you reckon that you werent meant for this; perhaps? i have those doubts, every week, if im lucky, if im not, more than one time every week.
i reach a point where i ask myself, maybe im not meant to teach. maybe i actually suck at what i do.
that's what a job where you dont sit in a cubicle does to you. it makes you wonder. thats what a job when you cant gage satisfaction, amount of work done does to you. thats what you do when you decide to live on passion. thats how you will pay.
im not a disciplinarian. i dont know how to tell these idiots what they should and shouldn't do. maybe i'll learn someday and until then i will have to feed my depression by eating three meals after eight when i doubt myself.
i just needed to tell someone. and now that i have, i'm off for a holiday.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Sunday, May 06, 2007
does it feel like you are rotting inside while outside you remain inhumanely fresh. does it feel like you have nothing left in your soul or your heart and that you just hope its a feeling that will past. does it feel like you're standing on trial and everyone, if not now, soon enough will betray you.
sometimes i let myself stay in guilt, so as to be able to punish myself and to tell myself that i dont deserve any better. and then there are days i never knew when i wake up and think the feeling will past but it doesnt. look over my shoulder, think of ways to avoid it, wonder what ill do and end up knowing that im helpless.
i have become a bitter repurcussion of me. i did this and iam this. and every once in a while i feel like im being eaten alive inside, piece after piece till this is all iam left.