tragedy

dear jess,

last week a friend's wife passed away. she was 8 months pregnant and only 30 years old. she fell in the bathroom and her husband found her in the morning. she had that anneurism thing that my grandmother did. its when a vein bursts in your brain and it has no age barrier or direct cause. the symptom would be this huge, horrible headache.

it was so tragic that she passed away that way and was pregnant. it was their first year into their marriage too.

life is fleeting and so is the time spent with loved ones!

love,
jess

an ulcer a week, keeps the chatterbox away

dear jess,

im writing to you today because talking is proving to be difficult lately. quite literally having the ulcer on my tongue, my prone to ulcer mouth usually happens on the gum area, so now that its landed on the side of my tongue, i find myself talking only necessary, and pronouncing my r's as w's. its quite laughable - "buy me a swurpee please?"

as you can tell, i perhaps need to chatter and hence my foresight towards a non introspective mail. i have since being the little urban girl needed to pause and reflect on the changes in my life. well not so much changes in my life as it is surrounding my life.. in the last couple of years i have met people in gangs. Recently an individual badly injured because, as they say, he got "chopped." he has too many too-count stitches, lost his fourth finger and part of his skull! we travelled to malacca for the wedding and his story amazes me.

i really like being here, in the historical city and i would always do my ritualistic walk down to the mall and if i can squeeze in the whole "red" area, go to kampung portugis for my v-coffee and practise my kristang by picking up new vocab, sit at kolam chuan whilst the other half fishes and have chicken ball rice at the best place, far away from all the touristy ball rice. the extras wil be my classic ole skool ice kacang at saturday ice cafe, the oh so superb asam pedas and mary biadu's meehon.

i have in the last couple of years learned a few more strange malaccan and kristang traditions , the nicknaming, the heart and cross symbol for eurasian weddings, to go to pulau besar you must pantang from pork for a week, the st francis statue story, the most superb mango juice is the uncle's stall at settlement, pheng (feng) is a kristang dish out of pigs inerts which taste awesome (that upon questioning my mum, i learned she didnt learn to make it cos she didnt like it!), malaccans eat wan tan mee with cili boh and it actually tastes good.

whats the fweaking pont jess? im still that urban sheltered girl with education and dreams that go whoa, cool, now i know someting or someone new.

jak, yo kere by drumi,

jess

its always about.. love

dear jess,

of all the capabilities of human beings, the most remarkable must be their ability to love.

at some point in my life, i reach the treshold and i had invested everythin in the one person that i had chosen to love. chosen. it would not matter as much what people said anymore. i remember once in the past, when i was much younger, i ran to this person- who would then seem to me to be wise, and i told her, foolishly, oh so foolishly about how much i liked this person. the next thing i knew, i was warned about being with someone who was- as i shall put it- not "protestan." and it went on, someone else found out and called someone else cos i was dating a - oh wait, here comes the word, a "non- protestan."

the equation in my life would be that none of my wonderful "protestan" friends would ever meet my "non-protestan" person in my life. my personal life, shut with a huge lock on it, and some of the "closest" people finding out events new to them that would have by then been a couple of years.

when people are different and things are hugely unpredictable, people become scared. me included, me especially.

i came to the realisation that my religion- not my faith was part of my upbringing. i went to sunday school, went to church camps, youth camps, brethren youth camps, served in church, etcetera, etcetera. I bring this to the relationship and i think that i dont want to change everything i know, i wont be "non-protestan" because apparently this is who iam.

i have more to say and less words to say them with at the moment. :)

yours my love,

jess