who of us would want his or her life summed up in one moment, one act?
- the father, Six Characters in Search of An Author, Luigi Pirandello
dear jess,
i walked in the rain today, with my big blue file over my head, after being interviewed by over 10 people under a 30 second interview. What was seemingly threatening turned out to be a pleasant day out rethinking my life.
As I was playing ‘shuffleboard’ (the true nature of the activity has been edited out for the possibility of being accused of being ‘wrong’) with the cousins, drinking coffee, and in need of absolute sleep due to the 3 hours of sleep the night before, I felt contentment. It was that moment where you don’t want to be somewhere else, you aren’t rethinking your past, worrying about the future and in that singular moment, you are happy and fully there.
Usually this is attributed to the cooling rainy weather, awesome company and the sudden lack of pressures in my little unshaken world.
Pirandello questions the attributes of reality, our roles in the world, as the play unfolds, the characters in the script come to live, arguing out the actors who play them on stage and question the script writer and director.
He says “can any of us be certain of our identity when others hold radically different perspectives of our actions, on who we are?”
And so, it is time to stop. To stop figuring out who I am, and even more so letting people tell me who I am and who I should be. If I never wanted to travel, and enjoy the fact that I would work at a job I don’t dread waking up to, come back in the afternoons and play shuffleboard with two other people who know me intimately and watch the birds go by that’s alright. Or if I wanted to go and leave all that is so good and sweet behind that’s okay too. But most of all if I’m at a point where I simply just don’t know and that’s fine by me.
I can’t and shouldn’t let people tell me that being somewhere else is better than being here, or that being here is better than being somewhere else. I may or may not find that out. But wherever I am, and in that piece of land that I consume I must in all its difficulty find little moments of contentment. If I can’t find it here, I wont find it anywhere else.
i walked in the rain today, with my big blue file over my head, after being interviewed by over 10 people under a 30 second interview. What was seemingly threatening turned out to be a pleasant day out rethinking my life.
As I was playing ‘shuffleboard’ (the true nature of the activity has been edited out for the possibility of being accused of being ‘wrong’) with the cousins, drinking coffee, and in need of absolute sleep due to the 3 hours of sleep the night before, I felt contentment. It was that moment where you don’t want to be somewhere else, you aren’t rethinking your past, worrying about the future and in that singular moment, you are happy and fully there.
Usually this is attributed to the cooling rainy weather, awesome company and the sudden lack of pressures in my little unshaken world.
Pirandello questions the attributes of reality, our roles in the world, as the play unfolds, the characters in the script come to live, arguing out the actors who play them on stage and question the script writer and director.
He says “can any of us be certain of our identity when others hold radically different perspectives of our actions, on who we are?”
And so, it is time to stop. To stop figuring out who I am, and even more so letting people tell me who I am and who I should be. If I never wanted to travel, and enjoy the fact that I would work at a job I don’t dread waking up to, come back in the afternoons and play shuffleboard with two other people who know me intimately and watch the birds go by that’s alright. Or if I wanted to go and leave all that is so good and sweet behind that’s okay too. But most of all if I’m at a point where I simply just don’t know and that’s fine by me.
I can’t and shouldn’t let people tell me that being somewhere else is better than being here, or that being here is better than being somewhere else. I may or may not find that out. But wherever I am, and in that piece of land that I consume I must in all its difficulty find little moments of contentment. If I can’t find it here, I wont find it anywhere else.
yours,
jess
2 comments:
good one, girl
thanks girlfriend
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