kindness equals stupidity??

dear jess,

i guess i took a longer break than usual. hmm. its almost the end of the year, and i dont quite have any motivation for the next. i was looking back at my journals, throwing some out and reminiscing them before ditching these memories forever.

i was watching my favourite sitcom, samantha who and how she discovers these memories. and how the brain protects us from remembering so much, because that is how much we can take. well, in that case i dont think i can take much cos apparently ive forgotten alot. which is why im glad i do journal. and the ones i ditched out, well, lets say some memories should be ditched.

i dunno. i dont like thinking about the future either, at the moment. i came across entries of enthusiasm, the love for what i do and so on so forth. but at this point the thought of going through another year, doing the same thing, that just makes me sick. there was no point to that, except rant i guess.

the other day, on the way back from my last bsf class, i saw an old man pushing an old lady with a small boy. they were facing their backs to the oncoming cars, but the little boy was waving. i looked behind, no cab, i think, hesitate, think and ,. i do the unthinkable. i stop to see if they need help.

i ask them, where are you going and whats wrong??? the reason i stopped is because i genuinly thought they might be going to the hospital. instead the young boy tells me the lady has asthma and needs the medication. i look at that thingy, the one where i use to use when i was a kid to pump the medicine in my mouth. he says its 200 and i know this wasnt true. i give him 6 ringgit and say that is all i have, when this too isnt true. and thats what pisst me off. i took the time and the RISK to stop and ask a stranger if they needed help, give them what they know as "all the money i have" and then the woman on the "wheelchair" says that isnt enough and they need more cos the medicine is expensive.

i should've just hit them when i had the chance. i know that sounds cruel, but so is lying to someone who was driving home alone at 12am and offerred help at the risk of her own security. i know. im stupid and i dont blame people for not stopping if i ever need help.

what have we all become..

yours,
jess