lain-lain

dear me..

I was flying back from Cambodia, when this Portuguese man behind me started to chat up a Singaporean. He was telling the lady of the Portuguese in Melaka, what they spoke etc etc. In some aspects he knew more than the Singaporean whose only claim to fame was “yeah, I have a Eurasion classmate.”

When I was growing up, people didn’t understand what I was, so they rudely called me in Cantonese “cap chong” or however one would romanize Cantonese. Today, one of my friends have said this to me before – in response to my excitement for what we Eurasions have for Christmas. “oh having your curry debel is it?” You know with sarcasm included. Then, there’s those who insist that I don’t speak “enough” kristang.


Being me can be oh so tiring (feign faint)

But seriously. I’ve had this “privilege” in the last few years of knowing more Portuguese people outside the realm of my family members. “they” have their own culture and even similar speaking intonations. Its very curios.

They on the other hand criticize other Portuguese people who have gone to the city, in a way not speaking the language or knowing their roots.

Race can be such a bore in this country. You’re too much this, you’re too little this. My dad’s forefathers came from Thailand. So apparently I might be part Thai.

Now. If you’re a mix of everything and anything and don’t look like a supermodel or a hot deejay all you’re gonna get is a bunch of idiots living in a multicultural nation who don’t understand you or even try too. They try to understand what the big deal is but they don’t care.

In fact, you don’t realise what any big deal of anything is until someone dissess you, or who you are. Chinese people go back to China, because they insist that’s what they are. If Portuguese, Dutch or British (why are there so few British mixed Malaysians? In fact I don’t know of any) that say they want to go back to their country to see their roots, or semi roots, trust me, Malaysians will just roll their eyes over.

Why is it that what I am doesn’t seem real?

I love being part Chinese and I love being part Portuguese. Even more, I love being both.

We kill our own culture. We mock others because we think that they aren’t “chinese” or “eurasion” enough because they don’t do or know some things. It’s like that myth of the snake eating its own tail.

We kill things we don’t understand. At the end of the flight, the man got to talking to me, and said I did look like his kinsmen because of my skin colour. Funny you should say, because most people think that “Portuguese” means white skin, sharp nose.

I find myself defending my one side more than the other. My friend wrote a play and we were called “lain-lain.” Remember those crap boxes with only three major races to tick? I was “lucky” cos I got to put Chinese. He felt like he had no identity, he was just “others.”

We’ve got such a horribly long way for a country with so many types of people.

That is all.

Ps.
Why do most if not all Chinese girls put peace signs when they take photos? Do they seriously think that is cute? And some Chinese guys too!!!

yours,
jess