LiVe shOws roCk!!

i wore heels that made me a head higher because we were promised seats. we ended up standing the whole few hours but it was fun. the best were the hijau number and of course, judi's choreographed piece, altho i was too mesmerized with the violinist. enjoy the videos.

the anniversary of the diary..

dear jess,

i think that my cynicism is hugely attributed to the fact that i have met one too many people who think too much of themselves. they think they can write, or they can take a photograph and they pride themselves in that. however, the one that i find are true geniuses are those that never have to say how good they are at what they do. its because they have become a living (an oxymoron) prove.

monday, the 60th anniversary of the book "the diary of anne frank." i have cried reading this book, and none before or after. but years later this book inspired and change the lives of freedom writers - students who plagued with gangsterism, violence, death, racism and cruelty come to realise their worth and wrote "freedom writers," a compilation of their stories, now a movie, featuring hilary swank.

i suppose we continually look to be inspired by the wit and yet brilliancy of literary work at a painful and scary time of a twelve year old. get over ourselves. theres a world of difference one girl has made that we have yet to come close too.

you still make me cry, anne.

*anne passed away of typhus in march 1945 at the Bergen-belsen concentration camp, at age 15 two weeks befor the camp was liberated.*

yours,

jess

biTchInG thErApy?

dear jess,

its indescribeable. i sit days, if not weeks on end with no plans of entertainment except sitting in front of the television absorbing E! entertainment and being encouraged by the fact that there are actors who have faced rejection even at the height of their day.

days and weeks on end, when my escort is back from flights i spend hours being thoroughly in contentment. it feels like this imbalanced is in between advertisements when i start to think if i actually do have friends.

when you were growing up, having friends was nothing to shout about. i suppose being lazy and endlessly critical never helps.

for example i would try for a few seconds, if only to make a getaway or to slip in something sarcastic to endure the crotch-scratching-know-it-all. i would definitely endure longer times, the ones that have been real friends at points of my life but have somehow made catching up into an endless need to pry into my life. on the other end of the stick i somehow end up bearing with those that know nothing about me and seem to always be around me or those that i would crack a joke, on my way out to drive home and just go back to watchin E!.

the people who share my heart and soul are all around the globe, and those that are here are either too busy with work, or something else. we can take pride in the one dimensional world where our work has become gravely important that we hate it, bitch about it to our wives, and then quickly wake up the next day to go back to it till the sun sets.

its true, i do the pathetic self pity thing so i eventually get to a point where i feel better than you. Dont worry. i am not friends with you, to know you , to feel better than you.

i learned something recently: our true friends are those who are with us when the good things happen. they cheer us on and are phased by our truimphs. False friends only appear at difficult times, with their sad, supportive faces, when, in fact, our suffering is serving to console them for their miserable lives.

from The Zahir

yours,

jess

speaking of fathers...

homer simpson has been stolen!!! its true!!!!!!!

i dont condone stealing, athough i do find the whole thing amusing. seriously, who wouldnt give to have a larger than life homer in my crib?????

*well, apparently the stolen one is from one utama, not the cineleisure one that i got my pics taken with.*

who's your daddy???

dean asked me "is your dad some kind of celebrity?" i thought a while and said, "yes, he gets recognised when we go to one utama". and then grin silently

my dad wanted to be a pilot (id be getting free flights) but now he has authored four books, lectured in several countries, several television shows behind his belt, and knows herbal cures for all sort of ailments. one day i will be an ounce the man you are ;)

*book signing at the book fair, PWTC, 2007*

ive reached the end of my road

dear jess,

i want to jump out of a plane.

i resist the temptation to tell you that im tired of you because that wouldnt be right. but today, all that doesnt matter. today i felt like i have just reached the point where the road goes no more. today i walked in the rain and tried hard to cry.

and im tired of it.

i am.

people think that deppression is somthing you can change or grow out of. and as a psyche grad, let me educate you, it isnt.

but there is something you can change. oh wait, there is something i can change.

its true. i hate this point of my life where i feel like killing some thirty kids i teach and in the proccess people who have marked my research paper without understanding it.

and who wouldve thought? i got inspired watching the lifestyle of a hollywood star. and i want to take life by the buls horns. im tired of all these people around me bringing me down, and me not seizing life.

i want to sky dive. and i know only one person who would do it with me. :) god knows he'd probably push me out.

dont take my word for it. after all im manic deppressive and heck, this could be a manic moment.

"do you regret not having any children?" "it didnt happen, did it? How can i regret something that didnt happen?" Coehlo, the Zahir

jump with me?

jess

baCk to WorK

malacca, genting, frasers and then malacca again. well that was my holiday now back to the daily grind.. *groan*

the sun sets in malacca

carved pictures of malaysian history below the santiago of bastique, remains as part of a whole area that includes the infamous fort

the engraved waterfall in dataran pahlawan.

the man who makes his ketupat dish.

topped with coconut, peanut sauce, sambal and "tempe" or other ingredients you wish

some pretty darn good rojak mee

rowing his boat in the make shift venice..

one of the best parts of having a friend who owns a bar, and cooks reallllyyyyy well.

i.g.r.i.d

dear jess,

"i want to change the world, instead i sleep."

ingrid michaelson

i want to be young again. not because i need to look younger or feel bouncier or have more energy to talk more nonsense. i simply need to be younger and to be filled with that sense of being able to be anyone i want in the whole world and being able to change the world.

in the past few days i have been able to learn more about people, and it never seems to be something i can come to like. people, are clearly strange. and they, like animals, seek out security. they work in packs and tend to stick in those groups. i remember over the weekend that i had wanted to hang out with that one person, but he was clearly too busy being in his pack, and i tried to make new friends but breaking into their pack probable meant becoming their dinner.

so there i was. alone but with people who somehow manage to be with me, but was never part of me. what was i looking for? acceptance? love? solace? trying to break into the normal social acceptance of these people sticking with those?

or the truth that i dont have a pack and am okay with that?

i'd like to think that im ready to face the world again. that i can stop being conscious. that i knew i was holding my wine glass wrongly on monday night and actually not be bothered by it. that i can stand before you and not be afraid to be flawed.

that i don't need a pack. and in reality i don want one.

so the question you must be asking is if it doesnt bother me, then why am i so bothered with it?

i dont know. perhaps its because if im sleeping things may seem better than if i woke up to find that i would rather just be sleeping.

yours,

jess

counting down..

my jaw dropped as they showed the preview, it was too hard to imagine that my favourite cartoon characters were larger than life, and it was then i realised how much i loved...

and oh! they look soooooo awesome in life size

i guess after this my simpsons comic collection will be worth more? of course id never trade my 'family' for cash. candy, perhaps ha ha