biTchInG thErApy?

dear jess,

its indescribeable. i sit days, if not weeks on end with no plans of entertainment except sitting in front of the television absorbing E! entertainment and being encouraged by the fact that there are actors who have faced rejection even at the height of their day.

days and weeks on end, when my escort is back from flights i spend hours being thoroughly in contentment. it feels like this imbalanced is in between advertisements when i start to think if i actually do have friends.

when you were growing up, having friends was nothing to shout about. i suppose being lazy and endlessly critical never helps.

for example i would try for a few seconds, if only to make a getaway or to slip in something sarcastic to endure the crotch-scratching-know-it-all. i would definitely endure longer times, the ones that have been real friends at points of my life but have somehow made catching up into an endless need to pry into my life. on the other end of the stick i somehow end up bearing with those that know nothing about me and seem to always be around me or those that i would crack a joke, on my way out to drive home and just go back to watchin E!.

the people who share my heart and soul are all around the globe, and those that are here are either too busy with work, or something else. we can take pride in the one dimensional world where our work has become gravely important that we hate it, bitch about it to our wives, and then quickly wake up the next day to go back to it till the sun sets.

its true, i do the pathetic self pity thing so i eventually get to a point where i feel better than you. Dont worry. i am not friends with you, to know you , to feel better than you.

i learned something recently: our true friends are those who are with us when the good things happen. they cheer us on and are phased by our truimphs. False friends only appear at difficult times, with their sad, supportive faces, when, in fact, our suffering is serving to console them for their miserable lives.

from The Zahir

yours,

jess