giVe mE hOpE!

The notion that thought can be perfectly or even adequately expressed in verbal symbols is idiotic
Alfred North Whitehead

Dear jess,

Remember how I told you that there were two demons, fear and expectations that can cripple you? And yet at the same time its an unavoidable human emotion. Heres another. Hope.

Well, its almost the same as expectation really, but different. Its that feeling when you really hope something will happen AND you cant do anything about. Hope, helplessness.

Like when your boyfriend is on a standby list in Copenhagen and you miss him like crazy. Or when your job takes you to another state and you hope like hell the girl you like will say something. Or the person you think you’re meant to be with simply because you love the titles he reads and his life philosophies are a million miles away.

Hope creeps in. With nothing to rely on except your emotions.

Independent, single woman have a way of guarding their hearts. They don’t have expectations, and they don’t have hope. And anything that makes them vulnerable to being helpless, which obviously means falling in love will be pushed aside.

Im not sure which is worse really. Hope is like waiting and gambling. You bet all your emotional rupiah’s on that one single hope that he will come back, that she will say yes or that you'll see him again, and then you wait, and wait, and ….

And when you’re broke, you realize how stupid it was and you think to yourself, its ok, ill win someday- ill hope again.

yours trapped,

jess

pLaY niCe

dear jess

Why is it that no one tells the woman who I have to work with that she’s rude? Or the relative that she shouldn’t be speaking to me that way? Or the friend, who makes remarks that doesn’t want to compromise that her attitude means I have to do more just so she’s comfortable?

Why are we "nice"? Perhaps because we dont want to be told the same? Remember when you're young and you wanted to fit into the popular group but never will? Its a stupid thing to want but still no matter what jerks they were, you were nice?

Does being nice to you means i have to bear with your selfishness and bitterness whilst i just smile and convince myself im doing the right thing?

Imagine a world where there was no hypocricy? we would just be as depressed. Go ahead, put on that smile whilst we all just take it in. Imagine a world where we said what we really thought at exactly the right time? Imagine the crudeness and the pain. The honesty and the openess?

Of course. im sure there are tonnes of people i owe my sanity because they're at this moment being "nice" and tolerating me.

*jess closes eyes* to savour moments taken for granted

in the meanwhile, happy holidays. The girls- those who were so unfortunate to be related to me are driving back, making road trip with loads of food stop. Know what the mum says? dont laugh so much! she thinks that elaine, elsa and me are going to laugh non stop for three, five hours. Hmm them again it isnt impossible. We've repeted lines from Dumb and Dumber a thousand times and we still find it absolutely hilarious!!! tag you're it!

yours,

jess

bitter, better, best

dear jess,

have you ever noticed that people can be subtlely bitter, without even knowing it? Sometimes you wonder what theyve been through and why theyre that way? Whilst people half way around the globe are ducking hurricanes, and us fortunate people go shopping at tesco's? i mean its been a weird some days for me with people snarling at me for not doing anything. Here's my style, stare back, 'jelink' and then burn furiously inside!

Sure, that is if theyre right in front or your face, but what about sms'es or msn's? Have you noticed how when you tell someone about how trivially happy you are people make "subtle" remarks and "faces" that they cant just be happy for you? Sometimes i think even they dont know it! i use to think i would be bitter. But i think ive just met my match(es), either that or there is something or someone keeping me happy, and everyone else bitter?

hey maybe theres still hope for me?

ive been trying to learn to swim since i was a kid. It always ends up with my stuffed nose, and an unhappy ending. Lately ive been at the pool so often with the cousins, that we have taught ourselves, more or less how to swim. And you know what? i feel cheated.

All this while, theres been people around me who knew how to swim when i was gulping water, and you know they never once in their lives taught me how to swim! And i know a certain someone who knew how to float and when i found out, all it takes to float is to hold your breath! why is it that no one tells me this? All they tell me is how well they float or swim.

Its a knowledge conspiracy. Some things in life are simple. People say, i dunno how to teach you, when they can just tell you this is how i do it. Sometimes we gulp so much of water that we finally realise we didnt need to.

To be honest, i still think theres something i need to know that i dont, and im doing something wrong when i push my head out for a breath. But i guess if no ones going to teach me im just going to have to gulp for now.

yours drowning and happy, what a rarity for the latter eh?

jess

speaKing of dRowniNg..

Reasons for travelling, reason number 6:-
To bore people with your travel slides/photos/videos
How many times have you sat through a boring slide show put on by your friends and family and wished the floor would open up and swallow you? Traveling gives you a chance to return the favour.

(taken from No Shitting In The Toilet, Moore)

the end of my trip, with my beloved lonely planet, sigh..

spend some days here, rooms are cleaner than my room back home :P

the last walk down the street, looking at the places we've spend. the internet cafe

i stayed here some days, dont be deceived the rooms are damp

my last walk down this street, i love the fact that its bricked, with everyone coming but never staying...

fRiEndS

simone, federico and luca. its really fun just watching them speak italian

its true what they say about italian men... ;)

Federico & Luca - ora di colazione :)

bAck in BanGkok

if anyone asks, this is how bangkok really looks like, just like.. home..

sculpture behind the musicians

musicians sitting at the park playing traditional tunes

the thai's had some sort of festival and belief, that involved feeding the birds or fishes (they were huge!) or buying a fish and letting it go as a sign of err kindness? i cant remember, then again maybe i never knew..

fooD!

mmmmmm doughnuts..

grashoppers and crickets. to be honest, you just taste the msg, but the crickets were the yummiest. no kidding!

NaTioNal MuSeuM

National Museam (part of its many parts) the largest museum in southeast asia! and i had to go twice lar!... its good tho

burung garuda, garuda birds, mythical creatures, its so cool seeing it when i learned about it at.. err now if only i can remember what and where i learned about these creatures.. sigh

according to a thai pop culture book, thais have a way of shaping their hedges...

this looks like a scene from LOTR man! wooo hehe