bitter, better, best

dear jess,

have you ever noticed that people can be subtlely bitter, without even knowing it? Sometimes you wonder what theyve been through and why theyre that way? Whilst people half way around the globe are ducking hurricanes, and us fortunate people go shopping at tesco's? i mean its been a weird some days for me with people snarling at me for not doing anything. Here's my style, stare back, 'jelink' and then burn furiously inside!

Sure, that is if theyre right in front or your face, but what about sms'es or msn's? Have you noticed how when you tell someone about how trivially happy you are people make "subtle" remarks and "faces" that they cant just be happy for you? Sometimes i think even they dont know it! i use to think i would be bitter. But i think ive just met my match(es), either that or there is something or someone keeping me happy, and everyone else bitter?

hey maybe theres still hope for me?

ive been trying to learn to swim since i was a kid. It always ends up with my stuffed nose, and an unhappy ending. Lately ive been at the pool so often with the cousins, that we have taught ourselves, more or less how to swim. And you know what? i feel cheated.

All this while, theres been people around me who knew how to swim when i was gulping water, and you know they never once in their lives taught me how to swim! And i know a certain someone who knew how to float and when i found out, all it takes to float is to hold your breath! why is it that no one tells me this? All they tell me is how well they float or swim.

Its a knowledge conspiracy. Some things in life are simple. People say, i dunno how to teach you, when they can just tell you this is how i do it. Sometimes we gulp so much of water that we finally realise we didnt need to.

To be honest, i still think theres something i need to know that i dont, and im doing something wrong when i push my head out for a breath. But i guess if no ones going to teach me im just going to have to gulp for now.

yours drowning and happy, what a rarity for the latter eh?

jess