mAyBe tHe tImE hAs cOmE fOr mE tO LeAve

dear jess,

there are times when battle is tough and wounds even more painful. There are times when the enemy bites your nose off and you cant see it bleed, but you can feel the trinkle of warmth slowly streaming down your ugly face. The brutalities of war and the triumph of the stories later fades in comparison. You crawl on your belly, hands and half scrapped knees, and wished that you were out shopping or getting your nails painted. You turn to look at the back, whilst keeping your head down, you shout out to your comrades of the incoming bomb, only to see that they've all backed down, leaving you all by yourself. They probably left you about half a mile off ago, but you were too busy surviving you hadn't noticed.

You come back from battle, tired, angry, exhausted and the least you feel right now is victory, because the enemy is still there firing at you, and you've lost your nose and knees, not to mention pride.

Jess, i think its time to stop fighting. Its time to stop standing up for myself. its time to stop being different. Its time to.. give up.

The very one place i'd expect people to reflect God's love, has also been the very one place where i've bled over and over and over and over again. Ive looked back a million times to not only see my comrades leaving me behind but taking the gun and shooting at me. The very place i'd hope people accept me for who I am has become a battle ground.

Maybe just maybe its time to stop fighting. Its time to just put my gun down and leave. A part of me can't wait to leave and turn away from this muddy, messy battle ground and for once in my liffe, perhaps just once in my life i can stop fighting.

Im putting my gun down, turning and walking out that door. Perhaps its about time.

your's closing the door,
jess