aNd wE WoNdEr wHy peOpLe cOnsIdEr sUiciDE..

dear jess,

Have you ever wondered what a suicide note would sound like? mine at least? Oh dont worry, id just like to be melodramatic for a bit. I think it would go something like this..

To whoever who reads this first. By now, you would have found my body all sprawled no wait i decided to take some medication instead, i mean i surely didnt want an ugly body at my funeral. Yes, yes, it isnt funny right now considering the events that have taken place.

Let me move on, why yes, you all would be wondering why i committed suicide isnt it? tsk tsk, the ardous task of making you try to understand is just too much for me, but if it makes you happy, so be it.

I contemplated this decision so carefully in the last three months. Whilst doing so, I decided to put in a good work or two, so i could contribute to society. By doing so however, people misunderstood me, and thought i was doing it for my self glorification. Odd, considering i didnt think that my time at the old folks home cleaning up their poo was very glorifying at all. But nevermind, i put that behind me.

The next thing on my pre-suicide consideration was to spend as much time with my lovely friends as possible. lets see there was Ben and Ken, John and Lenny and of course Jamie. Yeah sure, i had more guy friends but that wasnt my fault that they made better friends than the girls (girls are too bitchy sometimes arent they..) So out i went with ben and ken, johnny and lenny, and you know what happen? Suddenly people thought it wasnt too nice to be seen hanging around with guys. Funny isnt it? our world sounds pretty much the same as when men carried clubs and women well who knew wat women did then.. And of course they all decided to judge me and suddenly i had a historical reputation that seemed like i had a huge 'A' in the front of my chest...

Well bother not these small minded people, i moved on to my pre-suicide considerations, and just did what i wanted and somehow as it turns out my friends were all younger than me too. Its probably not that funny since im such a big kid at heart. And of course by now 'the people' had something to say about that too, from the friends i had to the guys i dated. Wow. the people really dont have a life of their own do they? Im starting to feel like a celebrity on the front page of a gossip magazine with a sign that says 'Celebrity Star On the Edge Of Controversy Again...." with my face printed on in some 'scandalous" relationship apparently.

So it was the end of three months and i decided if i had my way i would be able to help society in a big way without commiting suicide- I would cut half of the populations tongue out- Its hilarious really, people can't handle a small little thing like that, its just too much responsibility, isnt it? But well since i thought about that i also realised i'd have to go open their mouths and fit my nice pretty hands into their big, Filthy, Stinking, mouths and i think weighing those possibilities, my own suicide sure sounded nicer than that.

Yes, perhaps its not worth my while to waste my life on a few tarts - or more than a few of them but i suppose a girl can only take so much. Funny isnt it how a little thing like that tongue of yours can make or break? You know whats even funnier?? The people who talk about me have this pretty, quite, good person image.. talk about irony??!!

I heard a quote once and ill try to recite it as the pills kick in..

Great People Talk about ideas,
Normal People Talk About Events,
Small People Talk About Other People..

To all the small people out there, goodbye forever, and oh if you wake up without your tongue tomorrow morning.. just remember me laughing in your face..

I havent thought about how people sign off suicide notes.. but yeah,
...........me...................

So wat do you think jess?

i wait upon you Lord, in tears i cry, please hear my cry, and seek judgement for me, Tired of being judged, and tired of being assumed.. Let your judgement come quick, and your comfort just as swift.....

Yours when it feels like im dying inside,
jess