Saturday, June 25, 2005

nOw cAn i PaNiC? pLEaSe?

dear jess,

sometimes your worse fear may not be who you wont become but who you do become. Haven't you heard stories of abused children who just end up abusing their own children? Ive seen glimpses of it, if i might say so myself. Everyone knows the classic ragging story at uni, when you get 'tortured' at orientation and you hear your peers swearing off future raggings, yet they do it the following year, probably to a heightened degree?! dont you think its just dumb that torture, fears etcetera just reinforces more torture, fears and etceteras..

i can tear my hair just thinking at the thought of this irony.Its annoying and psychologist have an explanation for this, which once again doesnt make sense. ps. psychologists never have answers just more questions..

i adore my mum to bits. now here's the scary part. before you think im going to make the statement that i might be becoming like her, thats not what i was going to say. When i was younger and gutsier, i use to scold her for certain paranoid fears that she had. She would probably kill me if you knew what it was, but she would always go 'thank God you were there when it happened otherwise i would've panicked'

Id just brush that off and think sheesh what was so frightening about that? Yes, you've guessed it, i think the vicious cycle of unexplanaible paranoid panic attacks have finally reached me.

It can be something so tiny and the worse part is the first thing that goes through my mind, is oh gosh how am i going to handle this all by myself? Crippling. I think i should get my psychologist on the line now, if i had one. And even then she wouldnt have any answers either. I think i may be having another panic attack soon.. haha, i amuse myself.

yours,
buster (a.k.a arrested development)


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Talking about ragging, you may want to have a look at www.stopragging.org

Anonymous said...

Oh c'mon, that old cockroach can't be all that scary... :D

~ ur-old-fren-whom-u-just-wrote-a-testimonial-for-:p