cHaLkS, a ThiNg oF thE pASt

dear jess,

have you wondered, if you wondered in retrospect whether you did the right thing that perhaps you didnt? because if you are pondering about it right now it means that youre really regretting not doing something that you shouldve done.

its one of those spur of the moment things that requires you to find the voice deep within. should i have fought that fight? do i pick this one or is being quite the best way out now?

the thing is. i dont really know.

right now the girl who told me she wants to do theatre is going to do dance. and i wonder should i have said more despite them not believing that she said she wanted to , despite she putting dance as her first choice in the past, despite having already been shot down by the teachers? despite being my first time in the discussion?

and yet i didnt. i kept quiet.

are teacher's asses? you know. i had a math teacher once and she collected all these "weak" students and had extra classes.

you see. the girl who can dance and act will be the ones that we regret not fighting over whilst the incipit, insignificant ones that cant do anything, no one wants in their department. probably me regreting not saying anything makes me wonder was it because i missed a chance at a great talent or that i didnt do her right? what about the ones that claims loves dance but freezes up for a full ten minutes during auditions?

maybe im making myself feel a little better that the brilliant girl will probably be fine anywhere, in my theatre class or in her dance class. in the meanwhile. i was one of those that no one wanted. seriously. how many people do we know that never gave up on us?

i had an ass of a teacher who went "from you i expect a C lar, and from you pass also can lar" if only i was smarter and replied, i expect better too? i was too busy ducking my head behind the girl he just wanted an E from.

are teachers important because they teach? or because they are willing to teach the weak ones. the ones that you hate because they come to theatre class and go "i have to act?" or the ones that get stage fright?

did someone believe in whatever little talent i had or put in extra hours or spoke up for me? we always complain that our students arent good enough and theyre not living up to our expectations. maybe we should live up to theirs. i mean heck, the good students dont need us. in truth, we're the ones who're desperate for them.

truth has been revealed. before they martry me, the best teachers crave for the best students. in fact no one ever wants the sucky ones.

and i have no conclusion. teachers dont know everything

yours,

jess