dear jess
I have a month. One month to finish what ive started almost five years ago. Yes five years. I frequently use to get asked the question, but worse still I use to get the “look” when I did finally answer.
What? You’re not done with your masters yet? Naturally I would get the look that says “she’s dumb” and all this from people who don’t even have their postgrad. And to be honest I use to squirm and shun from the question because I too taught that that was my failure. Taking such a damn long time.
Then I realized. I took a year and a half to do my coursework, and two years I spend doing a research that eventually proved futile. I had to rewrite my whole thesis, from scratch. I had wasted two years and probably more.
So I had to start all over again. And in my human nature I failed many times to do my best, seen through a thousand drafts and cried a million times.
The worse part is, me and my legendary lecturer have decided that I should finish my work in a month. To avoid administration complications. A month that I had initially planned to stretch out to three!
What’s important though is that for the last four years I have been afraid of saying; yes my masters is still a work in progress and I swear half the world that doesn’t know me, assumes I have already graduated.
No more shame. I am where I am at. yes ive taken ages, and no one except my God and me will know what its been like. Perhaps this courage will feel as good as when i finally do make it to the end. we'll see.
I have a month. One month to finish what ive started almost five years ago. Yes five years. I frequently use to get asked the question, but worse still I use to get the “look” when I did finally answer.
What? You’re not done with your masters yet? Naturally I would get the look that says “she’s dumb” and all this from people who don’t even have their postgrad. And to be honest I use to squirm and shun from the question because I too taught that that was my failure. Taking such a damn long time.
Then I realized. I took a year and a half to do my coursework, and two years I spend doing a research that eventually proved futile. I had to rewrite my whole thesis, from scratch. I had wasted two years and probably more.
So I had to start all over again. And in my human nature I failed many times to do my best, seen through a thousand drafts and cried a million times.
The worse part is, me and my legendary lecturer have decided that I should finish my work in a month. To avoid administration complications. A month that I had initially planned to stretch out to three!
What’s important though is that for the last four years I have been afraid of saying; yes my masters is still a work in progress and I swear half the world that doesn’t know me, assumes I have already graduated.
No more shame. I am where I am at. yes ive taken ages, and no one except my God and me will know what its been like. Perhaps this courage will feel as good as when i finally do make it to the end. we'll see.
And when I think of my calling, im not afraid of life.
Nina in The Sea Gull, Anton Chekhov
yours out of coffee, and in need of more hours in a day,
jess
2 comments:
gambate sis! you CAN do it! pls don't follow cheryl's exxample in this area ;)
hey u! ah, so i'm not the only running on coffee and unearthly hours -cool! (misery loves company haha). my supervisor decided two weeks ago that i wld be done in a month...race u to d finish line...at least we'll find out whose coffee has more caffeine! ;)
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