Friday, January 19, 2007

sUgaR anD sPicE anD aLL thiNgS niCE??

dear jess,

He told me that he was afraid of talking to me because he thinks that perhaps I don’t like him. Well maybe in some ways I don’t actually like him, or maybe in other ways I just don’t want to like him.

In a crude, mean and “im an old maid” way, I was so pleased to be told that ‘I was feared’ and that ‘I don know what goes on in your mind.’

More pleased than I would’ve expected. You see, ive always seen myself as someone that everyone walks over. Perhaps its my own fault that I let them.

Heres my reply. Im sorry, but you know im just the kind of person who doesn’t want to be close to many people. Because they’ve always disappoint me. at the very moment you think I sound arrogant and you’re probably right, I’m not looking for someone superhuman. its just that some people you let in your hearts, disappoint you one too many.

Im pretty happy where im at, intimidating people I never knew I was capable of. You see, at some point I wasn’t always cynical. In fact on some days when cynicism takes a holiday to Mauritius, I make that call for tea to the “friend” who betrayed me. But since holidays don’t come too easy, be prepared to be afraid. A concept of me I still find hilarious and unfathomable.

yours, and yet in reality, that isnt true,
jess

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