dear jess,
im trying to trace how ive become cynical. In comparison to my half, i fade, right girl? See then ive come to realise how i have been cynical. Its because im always being dissapointed.
This week ive felt like the biggest loser on earth. Ill spare ME the details because it would make me feel like a loser all over again. See, there was a deal i made that revolves around work, and that has not transpired. Hence, ive lost all respect for bosses, women bosses, and even some christian bosses.
Someone once told me, its because i always see the good in people versus the bad. I find that hysterical. But there are perhaps ounces of truth in it, and the frequent mistreatment of my work and other parts of my life? id rather disregard than face a confrontation with the 'guilty' party. AND THEN it just eats and eats and eats me away till ive become so cycnical of the world around me and everything in it.
I go to meetings and i get annoyed at incompetent people, i go to farewells and churchy meets and i get annoyed at click-ish people who just think that life revolves around them, i get people who judge me and then thru my friends they say, oh yeah i think i was wrong, ill pray for her- hello, i never asked you to pray for me, and apologising to me, not my fren would be nice! See, i need to let those things out. Its making me rot inside.
At the end of the day. I feel like a loser. And whats the worse part? Since i hate confrontations, and fighting for my rights (somehow no prob fighting for other peoples rights..) im not sure how to go 'hey i dont think im being treated fairly' without first considering the consequences of my decision. I cant even throw up my hands and go i dont care.
Like i said. loser. Im not being dramatic. I cant help it if my life seemed that way, dont make it sound like thats my fault too. The worse part is that because of the 'failed' business dealings im gonna live off crumps and dust for the next few milleniums? Im sorry but there goes my dream to Spain. Sorry cynical half. i have no idea when we'll get to go.
yours disgusted,
jess
im trying to trace how ive become cynical. In comparison to my half, i fade, right girl? See then ive come to realise how i have been cynical. Its because im always being dissapointed.
This week ive felt like the biggest loser on earth. Ill spare ME the details because it would make me feel like a loser all over again. See, there was a deal i made that revolves around work, and that has not transpired. Hence, ive lost all respect for bosses, women bosses, and even some christian bosses.
Someone once told me, its because i always see the good in people versus the bad. I find that hysterical. But there are perhaps ounces of truth in it, and the frequent mistreatment of my work and other parts of my life? id rather disregard than face a confrontation with the 'guilty' party. AND THEN it just eats and eats and eats me away till ive become so cycnical of the world around me and everything in it.
I go to meetings and i get annoyed at incompetent people, i go to farewells and churchy meets and i get annoyed at click-ish people who just think that life revolves around them, i get people who judge me and then thru my friends they say, oh yeah i think i was wrong, ill pray for her- hello, i never asked you to pray for me, and apologising to me, not my fren would be nice! See, i need to let those things out. Its making me rot inside.
At the end of the day. I feel like a loser. And whats the worse part? Since i hate confrontations, and fighting for my rights (somehow no prob fighting for other peoples rights..) im not sure how to go 'hey i dont think im being treated fairly' without first considering the consequences of my decision. I cant even throw up my hands and go i dont care.
Like i said. loser. Im not being dramatic. I cant help it if my life seemed that way, dont make it sound like thats my fault too. The worse part is that because of the 'failed' business dealings im gonna live off crumps and dust for the next few milleniums? Im sorry but there goes my dream to Spain. Sorry cynical half. i have no idea when we'll get to go.
yours disgusted,
jess
1 comment:
nooooo. you are NOT dumping that dream because of other people's incompetence!
if it means we scrooge to travel, we scrooge together. we are going. i'm not giving up on you just yet :)
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