piCkLe me Please

dear jess,

Ive been thinking somewhat, and i realised the answers to self preservation.

Ignorance. Stupidity. Not giving a rat's ass.

Thats it. Im sure you've seen it. At the office, and when no one takes the fall, the guilty go 'huh?? is it ah? i didnt know wor.. sorry.." Or "yalar i very blur, you do lar" Im starting to think that i have absolutely no patience left in my blood. Na-da.

I was when i was younger, but now then im older and need to concentrate on self- preservation, i think im just gonna give up. Ive spent some amount of days running around like a headless duck picking up the pieces of peoples undone jobs, creating excuses for someone else, being screamed at because someone else was angry, being given the dirty look because someone else thinks that they are right, standing in the same position over sweltering heat for hours before someone offers help, and really, im not saying that im perfect but amongst all that, the worse has to be the being the only person who dares speak up. As glamourous as i like to think that sounds that comes with a heavy price of being bitchy i suppose.

I dont care about the amount of work i have to put into something. Its not the work. Its the watching over other people thats frustrating. At the end of the day, when the 'event' is a 'success' we can all push this aside, because the means always justify the end somehow. More frustration.

As i was saying. My self preservation? Not care. After all why should i be the only one right? I've done that with a friendship. After a while of being the only one who pursues and care, you run out of emotion, and guess what? giving up sometimes is a smart move.

I did not get to enjoy the event i so looked forward to, because i was too busy babysitting. Im trying to be nice. Okay so i was trying to be nice in the beginning. But you know what, if you're going to give me a hard time about being patient and bearing with someone else, and all the ther "holier than thou" lines i dont care (self preservation, remember?) but i will still pride myself in the fact than when we get down to doing something, we put our 100 percent into it, and that includes me saying out loud that the way things went was bad, regardless of the outcome.

Yikes, there goes my self preservation..

Sigh.

jess