i fEeL prEttY?

dear jess,

I had another one of those. I'll call them ‘episodes.’ I wake up with the feeling of fear and wanting to cry. It’s a feeling at 3 am when I have to wake up to prepare for lessons the next day and suddenly I feel that ive lost all aims in life, a gush and lingering feelin of emptiness.

And usually it goes in a matter of seconds. Except today, its still here. And I can cry for no reason. Well not that there isn’t any too.

The thing they call thesis that Ive been workin on for two years now threatens to be meaningless and useless and lacks everything and threatens me to be here for another year.

Its almost as if everything ive worked for and have had to face to idiots who give me the ‘whats taking so long’ look will just repeat itself. The other day when I found this out I just cried driving home. And to make things worse there was no one, no one I could tell this to that would understand. The only person I did just made me cry even more.

This is probably the one single time I do not know why im writing to you. Feels almost as if im digging low in pathetic ness to tell the world my pain and my emptiness.

an all time low,
jess