iF itS sO fUnNy hOw cOme iM nOt LauGhInG?

dear jess,

Isaiah said My mind reels; my heart races; I am gripped by awful fear. all rest at night - so pleasant once - is gone; I lie awake, trembling.

its funny how human beings are.

ive been up to mt kinabalu and back, in the rain, the last one to reach, having an injured walking partner to support, leaving the jungle after 10 and yet human beings are the hardest feat.

Its funny how people can be.

my grandmother passes away and in less than 3 weeks my closes cousin's mum passes away. Today we have an extended adopted family who has lost a wonderful mum and my mum's closest sister in law. And yet the grief of another human beings words hurt longer and is remembered further.

Its childish how earthlings are.

The same day my grandmother passed- which was officially the worse so far because i had pre-anticipated a huge VIVA in front of lecturers and friends, defending not only my theses that gave me sleepless nights but my ego, which came out crumbling, fades in comparison to the fact that i remain baffled that people twice my age who have misjudge me, not only fail to confront me but sees it fit to bring it up to someone else of "higher authority" instead.

Its stupid how human beings can be.

need i even explain this one?

jess, ive always been nothing less than honest to you. In the depths of my heart i wish that i dont have to write such painful letters. But they are the truth. I can't tell you although you probably already know, despite being Easter, this Sunday was one of the worse days of my life. Ive never had an issue escalate so quickly and so out of hand that i dont know what to do. And so i sit here awaiting my fate, hoping that there is still some justice left on this earth.

Its scary what humans what humans are capable of.

I did a self mutilation 'cruelty exercise' recommended by Coehlo (maybe ill tell you about it one day) that left the skin in between my thumb raw for days and yet, the rawness of people thinking that they are right, and going all out to make my life miserable fades in comparison.

The consequences? I have to sacrifice a friendship. So please if i write more depressing letters dont hate me. Deep in my heart, i want them to stop too.

yours looking to the God of justice and hope,
jess