Saturday, October 22, 2005

jes-actualization

dear jess

Years ago, after studying what that actually means, I find the irony in what Abraham maslow was trying to say. In his pyramid scheme, self actualization is the highest form of achievement as part of being a human being. The irony? Is that self actualization has nothing to do with self.

He cites Mahatma Gandhi as an example. Self actualization simply put? The point in a persons live where you are able to deny yourself and put others as well as using who you are for other people. Well, its been years since my last psycho class so, apparently my definitions would fall short of Maslows.

I suppose every good Asian daughter living home taking care of her parents and living up her end to the bargain would be self actualized? Or the not living out of the only son's daringly unforgiving dreams that would cause the family to talk for years?

Of course, as pyramid goes, the higher it gets the lesser people there are who achieve it. Not surprising, but perhaps he didn’t travel to Asia and visit the “selflessness” of some Asian families.

I always get the feeling that I fall short. Of just about everything, even the grace of God. Heresy eh? This plastic feeling that I get from people around me who are ‘holier than thou’ and go to places of worship with their pressed shirts and daunting eyes that will tell you someone isnt protestan or brethren enough.. and that although we don’t understand them, we sure as hell can criticize them. Damn I said hell. Damn I said damn. Its never that obvious really, it’s the subtlety of the walk, the talk and the look.

Is it hard thinking that you’re being different? No. not really, it’s hard getting into those bleach white shirts that were pressed to hard and buttoned up to high. Shirts weren’t meant to be that way. Nobody made them to just be static and do the same thing at the same place and to be whiter than the next shirt. It was meant to be drowned in mud, washed, feel the freshness of being clean, and always appreciating the different detergent smells.

Then suddenly it dawns on you. The white shirts are hung up in cupboards, places, offices even churches that never move. You, on the other hand? Because you didn’t button up too tight, too high, or too much can move freely. Sometimes it is that easy, and we just complicate it. Just like naming stages in a human beings life. Self Actualization? Actually, just my self.

Ps. Will drown you with more pictures soon. You’ve been warned..

Yours unbuttoned,
jess

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