this is the king crab (horshoe crab) placed upside down, it will attempt to turn itself with its tail (see video). the crustacean is really a part of the family of the scorpions (!) and is baked on fire, and the front part open to reveal eggs aplenty. when caught its always in pairs, a male and female and the male thrown back in because there arent any eggs to eat in them. in malay, it is known as the belangkas, when the name is used on you? it means ure just to freakin sticky to your boyfriend or girlfriend. haha. all in all. its a MUST try for everyone. what an experience..

this is how it looks like cook, check out how much eggs it has!!!

huge living mussels

tHe LeSS poPuLar poRtuGuesE fOrt

up on saint john's hill, lies the fort that was built to keep out sultan mahmud, and it did for he never succeeded till his death and many more battles after. it also had a church. as usual, the stone steps are made of the original ancient stones. best way to see a fort without many, or in my case, any other tourists.

bEsT exCusE

you definitely cant say anything if the food is bad. it was ok though its been said that the quality has dropped.

tRadiTionAL deSSerTs

at the saturday ice cafe, the ais batu campur has been the same way it always has, red syrup, biscuits and all the usual, of course u can add ice cream.

mOdERn deSsErTs

locally packed ice lollies!!! that come in the flavours of assam, lime, orange, red bean and the blue one that taste like hacks sweet. i had fours sticks at one go because it was served at a steamboat buffet. im a pig and proud of it :)

tHe beSt bAr

my vote for the best bar goes to 'tribe- the house,' better known just as 'house' is a bar with exquisite furnishing of all white, shoes off on the fully cushioned sitting area. the furnishing doesnt beat the 'invited guest list' only where only frens or frens of frens are allowed in, therefore eliminating issues such as 'bar fights.' after all, you probably know everyone in there. definitely more delicious than most places in kl!

beSt scRibBLinG

grafitti stricken walls all over tribe and nearby lot areas, all hire the same guy to do the work on their shop too

wElcOme tO thE juNgLE!

my weekend of extreme madness.. game face didnt work this time

boYs - "iDioTs" u caNt livE wiThout!

so you see, for some reason they had "rules" to this game they called, "gladiator"

then next they put their heads to the paper (i mean weapon) and spin.. well i guess the smarter ones cheated

and this is how it goes.. using their 'weapons' they just beat the hell out of each other! apparently its something theyve always wanted to do. of course, for us girls it was entertaining..

the punishment for those who cheat was not pretty....

pErHapS i SuCk aT tHis

dear jess,

have you had one of those days where you doubt what you do? where you reckon that you werent meant for this; perhaps? i have those doubts, every week, if im lucky, if im not, more than one time every week.

i reach a point where i ask myself, maybe im not meant to teach. maybe i actually suck at what i do.

that's what a job where you dont sit in a cubicle does to you. it makes you wonder. thats what a job when you cant gage satisfaction, amount of work done does to you. thats what you do when you decide to live on passion. thats how you will pay.

im not a disciplinarian. i dont know how to tell these idiots what they should and shouldn't do. maybe i'll learn someday and until then i will have to feed my depression by eating three meals after eight when i doubt myself.

i just needed to tell someone. and now that i have, i'm off for a holiday.

yours,
jess

i wOnDeR wHo rEaDs tHiS aNyWaY..

dear jess,

i guess its true they say you cant teach old dogs new tricks. i played with the thought of "advertising" my intentions as a post, and instead i ended up writting a letter to you. i don feel it is right if i betray my style now and advertise. ill probably just fit it on the sidebars instead.

i hate to gloat. ops wait, who am i kidding, maybe i do like to gloat. who doesnt? at least im honest. you know how sometimes you meet someone and they have a glare at you that goes "so what are you doing with your life now?" and they subsequently go on to say how well off they are and what big shot jobs they have? well my challenges in covetousness come from people who go "have you seen my play?" and i slowly creep into my hole knowing i auditioned for it, failed and now i have to watch some idiots (i say this lovingly) performing the damn thing. perhaps i think i like to gloat is because i have nothing to gloat about.

regardless. i've forgotten the point.

yes, advertise. i was going to "advertise" something but i've decided to just include it into the sidebars. as for the gloating. well i have to wait a year for the launch of what i shall perhaps aptly name "making my mark in the world."

yes. like as if you hadn't realised already how strange iam.

yours,

jess

doNt RoCk tHe bOaT

dear jess,

i went into the treasure of a chest bookstore, silverfish books, the only one place in this country where you can find malaysian books, scripts and films by theatre practitioners, activist and the independent, non popular and forever controversial works of such people.

my aim and idealisation, like everything else in my life was to acquire a malaysian film so that i can be the first to show an independent malaysian film to my students and perhaps inspire them. i brought home amir's dvd instead of james lee's and watched six shorts. i had to cancel out two of those short film because they had bad words, and still include one with a prior "kids theres an f word in there, once" and hope to death i don get fired. and then out of the few that i pick. and as i watch i wonder what will a person of this race think if he watched. will he get upset and claim that im putting this up as a way to cause some form of uprising and brain washing? i decide to take that risk.

as i watch some more i find it brilliant in the simplest way. you know why? because someone is telling the truth. ill be damned, it isnt me. as i watch i think about several people who will appreciate it, the discussion of the identity card, amongst others.

iam apparently on my way to being a postgraduate in performing arts. this is my first time i am watching an amir muhammad film. his latest, lelaki komunis terakhir has been banned here, but not in our neighbouring country. the dvd i have includes an interesting excerpt of the post discussion of community leaders on the film, and the issue of it being banned.

you see.

someone has made films just by telling the truth.

i am simply showing some of those to a bunch of my kids so that i hope that someone will in turn try to make things better by telling the truth.

so how come its not me?

fear is power,

jess

i reckon that we live in denial. me included. we live here and yet we dont count ourselves as being here. how many local literature, tapes, cd, dvd do we own? we are so quick to say that nothing good can come out of our own country. and then quickly complain about our neighbours and how they rely on us for water.

bLacK hOpEs anD reVeLatIoNs

dear jess,

does it feel like you are rotting inside while outside you remain inhumanely fresh. does it feel like you have nothing left in your soul or your heart and that you just hope its a feeling that will past. does it feel like you're standing on trial and everyone, if not now, soon enough will betray you.

sometimes i let myself stay in guilt, so as to be able to punish myself and to tell myself that i dont deserve any better. and then there are days i never knew when i wake up and think the feeling will past but it doesnt. look over my shoulder, think of ways to avoid it, wonder what ill do and end up knowing that im helpless.

i have become a bitter repurcussion of me. i did this and iam this. and every once in a while i feel like im being eaten alive inside, piece after piece till this is all iam left.

yours,

jess

flyin the flag for everyone to see..

the life chapel's 40th anniversary pictures on jess'sflickr taken by the new and long awaited love of her life, which she has named joaquin ;) enjoy!

HaveNt cHaLkEd mY shOes yeT aGaiN

dear jess,

you know how it is, when sometime in your life, you meet people you havent seen for years and it comes back like a sweet gush of memories when we all sit down and talk about the boy who had a big hole in his pajama's, the girl who in university broke the egg for the 'egg test' during orientation, the boy who actually got up and sang 'lemon tree' with actions and it just goes on. and on.

everyone has that high school or university memory. and it will always be sweet.

then after more than several years meeting people in your past is like a moment when you feel that you want to be so much a part of their lives again, to relive the past and the moment is slowly overcomed by the sense that maybe in the present we dont have anything in common, except the past.

perhaps sometimes its because we like to live the past memories nicely in tact and then once every few years when one of us gets married, we can open the box and relive them. i guess that gives us assurance we'll always have material to talk about.

i was the one where the boy with a hole in his pyjama's wrote me a song, entitled little brown girl. and if that sounds like its suppose to be touchy, mushy and sweet, its not. i know what it is. its the sweet past that we wish we can still hang on to today, and yet we know it cant happen so we dont hope for it too.

for what its worth, it was definitely some of the best years of my life.

yours,

jess

iM coMinG hOme, wiLL yOu?

dear jess,

language is a strange thing. some things should never be translated. i remember people who tell me that they cant or wont listen to malay songs. to say they dunno what they're missing is an understatement.

Aku tak percaya lagi
dengan apa yang kau beri
Aku terdampar di sini
tersudut menunggu mati

Aku tak percaya lagi
akan guna matahari
Dengan mampu menerangi
sudut gelap hati ini

Aku berhenti berharap
dan menunggu datang gelap
Sampai nanti suatu saat
tak ada cinta kudapat

Kenapa ada derita
bila bahagia tercipta
Kenapa ada sang hitam
bila putih menyenangkan…

Chorus:Aku pulang…tanpa dendam
Kuterima.. kekalahanku
Aku pulang…tanpa dendam
Kusalutkan.. kemenanganmu

Bridge:Kau ajarkan aku bahagia
Kau ajarkan aku derita
Kau tunjukkan aku bahagia
Kau tunjukkan aku derita
Kau berikan aku bahagia
Kau berikan aku derita

Berhenti Berharap by Sheila on 7

dont take my word for it. i promise you there is no way you can hear this song without being moved. one wonders, how every now and then music that lives up to its definition passes us by..

itu kamu, (nama lagu dari kumpulan estranged ;)
jess

loVe diScRimiNAteS

dear jess,

remember how it was when we were growing up, girls would ask each other "whats ur ideal guy like?" and then we'd say something stupid like, nice eyes, etc etc. and remember how when we went for camps, people speaking would say, "make a list, so we know what to look for?" and then, we would idealise that we "deserve" that man because we are oh so great.

and then we'd walk in the shopping malls and say how that pretty girl shouldnt be with that ugly guy, or how that fat chick shouldn't be with the skinny dude.

its just that, i suppose we've been brought up to think that the very idea of love is something that we can dictate and have control over. perhaps there are some types of people we are prone to not fall in love with, others that we are, and then others that we never expect too.

the love checklist, however is blocked by the idea that it defines our "principles" and what we "should" look for in a guy. perhaps whats important to us and what should be important to him as well. if he fits just one or two criterias in the list, perhaps ill just force him to fit in the rest eventually.

we asians plan e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. even who we should fall in love. good luck with that.

yours,
jess

wHat's SpeCiaL abOuT bEinG sPeciAL?

dear jess,

we all like to think that we are special. the believe that we are different and that we contribute something unique to the world in some ways gives us reasons to continue living. sometimes we are so blinded at being "special" that we never realise that the term has somehow evolved since.

i suppose you can tell what a person takes pride in, in what he shows off, or if you like, in what he prizes. and some people prize in the strangest things. some people prize in being able to eat like a pig and not gain weight, or lose the weight in a week. others prize in the achievements of finishing their studies quickly, and still others because they managed to get hitched.

the modern day "special" isnt always nice and we sometimes use it on people who are deemed to be slower than us, or people way faster than us. someone once said that talent is a burden, its "a curse, a blessing"

does being special mean that you are the last three siblings of a generation only with your surname? you're probably just one of a hundred, if not thousands of rodrigues's, lim's or wong's. but then what happens when you are really special and you by some freak of nature end up being the only male left with your surname to populate the next generation?

being special isnt what its made out to be. But then again nothing ever really is. sometimes we just need to tell our children, that being normal is good; well that is unless of course you're that last remaining male of your ancestry.

yours,

jess

stUff iT

dear jess,

there is no apparent reason to write, no "agendas," no mindless philosophical debates, nothing, yet. i hate surprises, unless it was from someone im dating, my family or someone really close to me. otherwise i wouldnt consider a bunch of frens turning up at my house to give me cake a surprise, especially if i hadnt talked to them in the last few months or so.

i use to be the most unsurpriseable person in the world and id guess whatever surprise it was headed my way. so i guess when someone offers to take you out for dinner but instead decides to make the arrangemenst with my mother, i find that more than a tad irritating. however, in the spirit of trying to be nice, ive decided that maybe the intention outweighs the strangeness of going about such things.

the worse part about "surprises" is that it often ends up to be about the person surprising you, because you draw on your rusty melodramatic skills and feel oblige to go "oh thats soo awesome! i didnt expect that!"

all i have to say is. im gonna go fishing next week. :) salt water fishing, the kind where you wait for two hours before your first bite, and then reel in in anticipation as your fish fights the hell out of you to stay in the water, and you go "ohh thats awesome, i didnt expect that." and my fish wil just jump up and go "surprise"

yours,
jess

aRe yOu thE onE thEy cALL a hERo?

dear jess,

you know the feeling? the one where you thought, as a youth, you were going to make a difference? and then, money came along, and you thought i'll do it when i have bought my first PDA, my first laptop, my first house...

and then instead you thought, that what you really want, is the best for yourself. so you decide to leave, because someone once said, its better to be a third class citizen in another country than a second class in yours.

and then you decide, you're not happy, so you travel, because you can now afford to. first class seats, five star hotel and a tour guide to tell you whats nice.

then when you have children, you finally tell your children to make a difference in the world, or most of the time you just tell them to make as much money as they can and make a difference in your life.

someone once told me that when he came back from being overseas, all his friends could talk about was what new gadget they now own. pause and think what are we if all we have to our worth is a technology put together by somebody else.

hush now, we weren't meant to rock this boat. the country is too many men complaining about the few men conspiring against whats best for us. what difference would we be if we didnt do our best to seek out those who needs us the most?

yours, but are you mine?
jess

this is how i look like after only an hour and a half worth of sleep in twenty four hours..

We ArE wHat oUr faThErs WeRe yEsTeRdaY..

dear jess,

on days when i dont have the one i love or an obligation to work or studies that help distract me from life, i am but to be left with thoughts, a cup of coffee and people to irritate me. well, i did pick up a new hobby. skectching.

the thing is i use to hate drawing. i couldnt draw, and probably still cant. i cant even draw a straight line with a ruler, but my claim will be that if u have legs, u can dance, and i suppose if u have hands, patience, a sketch book. a 7b pencil, who knows. after all they think picasso is a genius.

do u know how they say that those who cant do, teach? this may be true. but i think perhaps it would be better phrased this way. those who cant teach, do. you see, teaching, is probably the most horrifying job in the world. and im starting to despise the modern young know-it-all generation. everyone says that children these days are smarter. i say, they are a bunch of smart arses.

so, when i do my best to teach people a simple thing like making their faces up, so that some day when im gone, at this rate im hoping sooner than later, they shouldnt question with their shrill, annoying voice, WHY? why should i put my own make up when someone else can do it for me?

that creates me to ask me why? why am i doing this? and to be honest, i dont think i know anymore. i've felt that way today, last week, maybe even last year. the truth is, im tired. tired of doing what i thought i love doing to people who dont.

i dont know how to draw. i have to be honest. i have no idea what rule number one is. and you know, my mum is a great visual artist, and im not saying that because she's my mum. perhaps, when i ask her some tips tomorrow, ill just leave her the sketch book, 7b pencil and eraser; after all she might make a mistake.

lets toast to the modernism we're so proud of; a land of immense knowledge and instantly thingratified ever-y-thing.

typing on behalf of her,

jess

wHo YoU cALLiNg FAt??

dear jess,

ive been hesitating about this letter for some time now. its probably because there is a myrid of things in my head and i don quite know how to phrase it. you see, someone made aware of a typical malaysian problem the other day, she aptly phrased as the middle class fat man syndrome.

apparently the education system hasnt taught us to think and secondly if we do think we dont do anything about it. this is true cos we all grumble but dont make that call, write that letter, say out loud what we should to make a change in our country, in our church and in the places we were destined to be.

she went on to use me as an example and yet contradicted herself by saying im not sayin u, "im taht way too, but u see if you were doing a thesis on this you wouldve bought the tickets to that performance weeks ahead, and you wouldve watch all the videos, but in reality i know you wont."

fellow malaysians, let me just say this, that until very recently i have been as detached from this country as someone who might as well be living in another country. yes, perhaps it is true that the greatest "achievement" is if the nation is one that doesnt think and just follows? i agree that most of us should say something but most of the time we dont..

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i learned the other day that the man who won one of the first local newspapers playwright competition and is until today famed for that, actually handed in an unoriginal script.

do you really want to know what the "country's problem" is?

perhaps it is that we dont think or we dont say our opinions cos we are afraid; but first and foremost i think we should just all be nicer. and then, and then we can work on the fat man syndrome.

yes, somethings are that simple.

yours,

jess

welcome to my island in the sun...

panuba inn

home.. for a while

dead corals

the dead corals, look like something out of LOTR

the stretch of beach where i stayed at

coral island

the only explanation for something this good, is that no one lives here

hitting the rocks

glorious

snorkelling day

niceeee

here fishhhyy

i feeL pRettY, oH so prettY

sunset

you can never have one too many..

everyone had their camera's ready to catch the perfect picture of the sunset..

basking

ah, what a way to end the day

water lizards

sure they look cute now..

the pEe-piNg tOm LiZard

that was the toilet, and that was probably the same lizard peekin in to freak me out.

big mama

my bro in law would have probably caught them and barbaqued them..

lizards

the sign in smaller print says watch lizards making 'heart'

LeAvinG mAkEs bEinG bAcK GoOd aNd LeaViNg aGaiN bEtTeR..

dear jess,

so I did it. I was irresponsible by choice. *smile* I left everythin undone and went on a holiday! I packed my backpack, got on a bus and then a speedboat that would kill anyone who was claustrophobic and made my way to the island of tioman. Was it worth it? Hell, yeah. Well, that is until I suffer the repercussions in the next couple of days doing work that should be stretched over several days, if not weeks.

I think going to the best stretch of islands and beaches in Malaysia which of course is borneo somehow makes all other island not as nice. However tioman had most of it, clear water, white sandy beaches- on coral island, the beach was like powder under my feet!, reasonable prices on some stretches, duty free on others and really nice locals.

I went snorkeling at two different areas and of course it was lovely. I saw strange fishes, and the boat man didn’t hesitate to get all of us soaking wet with the splashes before I reached the snorkeling spot! It was like sitting on a roller coaster ride somewhat.

The ‘worse’ part of my trip was when we had lunch at one of the beaches which had these monitor lizards. The day before we trekked through some jungle and saw the land lizards and the next day I saw these water ones, first I saw two and then I was like "hey nice". So before lunch I made my way to the toilet and there they were, at least fifteen, walking out towards the toilet which lay about three meters before me! I rushed into it and closed the door, and started to worry desperately. When I got out, one of them had his head in my door! I peeked out and thought I could make a run for it but they were all there, almost as if they were waiting for me. Mind you, they are as ‘tall’ as me, tail and all! i sheepishly had to walk through the kitchen to make my way back without facing the fifteen slithery creatures.

I’ve also realized that certain stereotype are somewhat true and as always interesting; like the girls of a certain hereditary always like to take pictures with a “peace” sign and the boys like to be all “techy” with their tripod, and camera, making sure you know they’ve got the latest gizmo’s whilst some others for one reason or another are still afraid of water. Im still figuring out how come we act the way we’re born. That’s besides the point.

Well, I got back to Malacca soon enough and had my ritualized asam pedas that was as lovely as ever. I discovered the air batu campur (ABC) that was still being made the old way, red sugar, milk, ice, biscuit and of course buah tap. The thing is, I don’t like ABC all that much and I love this one, william, i think he is, has been making it the same since he’s been there, and being in his shop, was as much an experience as eating the ABC. It was old, people were sitting outside talking, his ice shaving machine was the old green one, the works. I’m sure it feels like that in some shops in KL too, but there’ll always be something bout the old city that’s close to me. Didn’t get to go to my chicken ball rice man at 4.30 am after fishing at the pond by the sea like I always do, but what can I say, I went snorkeling this week and fell asleep on a beach and a girl who’s done that shouldn’t be allowed to complain.

And. Someone ate my Malacca wan ton mee! So i came home and bought the KL version of it. *bleah*

Right, can’t complain. Can’t complain… oh! and i saw my first puffer fish at the pond! amazing creatures... cute and dangerous, hmm alot like women. still, i think it was so cute and am disappointed i didnt have the camere then.

ps. i'll post my pictures later.

What I dream of is an art of balance, of purity and serenity devoid of troubling or depressing subject matter. Henri Matisse

love,

jess

oNe LaSt KoPEk!!!!!!!!!

dear jess

It’s the final league of the race, well sort of. You’ve come to a point where its time to pull out the bikini’s and go to the beach, this week; regardless of how that thesis turns out.

Its almost like if you see it too much you might puke it out in the toilet. And to think; after I’m done with this I have more projects with my oh-so-legendary lecturer. Of course im thrilled but at the same time perplexed.

So, I am going to pack my bikini’s and head for the beach, at least that’s what I think. I have this overwhelming need to lie on the beach and do nothing at whatever point it will be in my thesis.

Tomorrow, when I go to collect my load of work for what in my mind; will be the final changes, I’ll close one eye when I see the amount of work I have to do and sulk back home.

And that will determine me coming back and unpacking or being the slacker I am, perhaps continue packing and leave the thesis to correct itself; just for a bit at least until I’ve done 20 hours of lying in the sun by the beach.

My oath is that I guarantee ill be a much better person and a more hardworking one, just after 3 hours of that.

Yours,
jess

portuguese laksa

ladies and gentlemen, this is what curry mee was meant to be.. the most beautiful form of food on the face of the earth... we call it curry laksa, and its actually what KLians call curry mee but this is hugely different, curry leaves, sambal kerang, and thick curry gravy, chilli sambal. im salivating..

sooooooooooooooo awesome

chocolate giant doughnut. no, seriously chocolate cake, with chocolate sauce and topped with vanilla ice cream if you like..

hOt fRy, oR sOmeThiNg LiKe iT

pai tee

pOrKKKKKKK

mmmmm

before the egg hatches..

the doctors said i was going to get a baby spongebob

but.. i got you instead!

if only they could bite..

meet my "controversial" new shoes that have gotten me a little too much attention, with people feeling the need to coment "eee your shoes so orange i can see from the stage" to "teacher, you're wearing florouscent orange shoes!!"

i love them :) and to think i wanted the pink ones..

tHe gOod, thE bAd aNd tHe uGLy...

dear jess,

there are several paths we need to choose from. or if we're not so lucky, we're forced to choose from. alot of times we wonder what are we here for, and if our meager existance has been accounted for.

some days i feel like i live in the bronx, not that ive ever been there to make a comparison. after a few months of my unknown perpetrator trying to enter my car, ruebens car gets robbed into, leaving the car window smashed. all because he had parked a few doors down. with less than 3 hours of sleep i had to meet mark teh, who was sweet with that unassuming grace i mentioned.

so, as i was saying. paths. having met two people in the arts scene my brain has been left working overtime. i suppose i couldnt have been so naive to expect that meeting passionate people would have not affected me in the least bit? but alas, i suppose i did.

and now im left to ponder with one too many things. one too many things that have questioned what im doing and left me to wonder if its right, wrong or even necessary.

for all the people who thrive to make the world better, more meaningful, something that leaves audiences to think, there's ten others to make the world worse.

do you reckon that we are people living mundane lives unaccounted for? shouldnt everyone be passionate about at least one thing? i remember once at bible study someone said that the mundanity is part of a normal life and that something along the lines of God wanting us to just live that way as long as we are good christians.
shouldnt we strive for more?

i guess at some point last year, all i wanted to do was stay in bed. and stay there and away from people as long as i could. talented and "great" people made me afraid. afraid that in that i would reveal my own weaknesses.

talent is something i cant fix, but my fear is.

come with me on this journey? and when you get there you can tell me it was all worth while? and ill do the same for you.

yours,
jess

whY DId THe cHicKen cRoSs thE roAD?

unassuming.

dear jess.

come friday and other days i will have to interview the unassuming journalist cum artist, and before that the young chap who just happens to be an accomplished artist dabbling in political issues. then, when im done with them i have to interview people who have been in the arts since the dawn of time, dancers, actors, directors who just happens to be great at what they do.

after goofing off with food, family and gambling, the time has come for me to officially go in to panic mode, cum scatter brain mode cum dont stress me out mode? see, im already becoming scattered brained.

you know that you've met great people; when they talk, you are in awed of them and then you know you've met not so great people when you wonder when they'll stop talking. its funny that when and if you ever become someone "great" that you can also be generous.

truth is. in my brains im telling myself they're just people and remindng me that God hasnt given me a "spirit of fear" - thats my resolution this year. but somehow as much as im trying not to think that i'll somehow screw up by asking a stupid question, spilling my coffee, not recording the interview, forgetting the questions, laughing till i snort.... perhaps im just thankful that i get to meet 'the greats.'

i know what you're thinking. that i may end this letter saying predictably that im aiming my life to be one of the greats? au contraire! being great takes energy, effort and unassuming grace- all of which i not only have, i plan not to either.

of course, no one plans to be great, it just happen's to be their "destiny."

i dont really have a point to this. perhaps ive been watching too much heroes and perhaps i too have been thinking what my destiny be, come the time. the fight for individuality to be something other than someone in a cubicle, in the midst of other cubicles, in the midst of offices, in the midst of more offices. was that their destiny?

there's one thing i know. i should be working on my ticking time bomb than writting you this letter.

ps. im still in shock that my cynical half tells me "bolsters" only exist in malaysia, well that is in comparison to the countries she's been to. *blink*

yours,

jess

i'Ve bEeN... mAkiNG sAngRiA's!

dear jess

Im thrilled that the year is almost coming to an end. Usually cny is nothing but an eating fest for me and my other half; my stomach. But something is different “this year.” Perhaps it is that im viewing the year as starting tomorrow, perhaps its that many things will be ending and starting soon, perhaps it’s the promise of going places, seeing people and perhaps, just perhaps it’s the new, and not necessarily nice unknown.

For once, all of it feels good, even if it might be bad. Perhaps its also the fact that eating a lot makes me happy, and therefore whatever the unknown may be it will be okay.

"destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved "-william jennings bryan

yours,

jess

i DonT beLIEVe THAT....

thEre Are aCtuALLy cHocoLAteS WAYYYYYY tooooo yuMMy to EAT!!!!!!!!!

tReatEd to SomE coMedY

malaysia's very own comedians. definitely the most succesful. and well, i guess i'll have to watch them more since my prediction that russell peters wasnt gonna make it here has come through. BUT go watch comedy courts next show. i promise, no regrets. www.comedycourt.com.my

the abandon buildings at sentul park. hauntingly beautiful

hApPy V-DaY :)

You Are A Realist

When it comes to romance, you tend to take a realistic approach. You believe that love takes time, and it's something you have to work hard for. A bit cynical, over the top romance tends to get under your skin. Your heart is difficult to win ... but it's totally worth it.

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

wHere iS mY biG bLacK hOrSe aNd a ChErRy tReE?

dear jess,

after living for almost THREE decades (well soon enough) and speaking the same language all this time, you'd think you got it down?

well, i guess not. apparently i need someone to help me out with my language on my ever being worked at thesis. my scatterbrain-ness (this is how i deteriorate my language) is showing and ive got information here, there, past and present tenses, everywhere else.

the only girl i know who has the qualifications to read my nonsense is busy with her own nonsense and is getting only four hours of sleep. well, at least she wont be needing to find an extra person to read her stuff for language :)

i think i need to sound smart. and we all know thats not gonna happen anytime soon. Anyone needs an extra reading material?

ps. if there were any mistakes in my letter, it wasnt mean as a joke within a joke. yes i think i really do need help :)

thank God for kt tunstall :) two seconds of her and your spirits are all lifted up.

A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. -Thomas Mann

yours,

jess

wHo oN eArtH LivEs liKe tHis?????

i dO !!!

if my mind had a face, it'll look like this about now..

sLeEp WaLkiNg

dear jess,

its a new year, with new beginnings. yeap, me and my cynical half have decided that our new year only begins at CNY. both our "western" years started out horrificly bad, so we've decided, its only but the end of the year now, and we're coming to new beginning really soon.

and with that, ive been dawned upon on my last year and how strangely horrible it was. no one died. in fact that was the reason why it was so horrible. it was normal. the worse of all, i had stopped dreaming. i stopped reading coehlo, yes he is essential to me dreaming; however i am essential to my dreaming. you can read but not be touched, dream but not be moved, act but never be elated. and worse of all live, but not be alive.

that has been me. ive been that simply because i didnt know anymore, and didnt want too anymore, and honestly, simply because it seemed easier.

this year, i want to dream. i lost my spirit when i wasnt and i hope i find it back. some of my dreams may never come true but if i stop, some of my living will never be.

its time to stop being the baker.

"The old man pointed to a baker standing in his shop window at one corner of the plaza. "when he was a child, that man wanted to travel, too. But he decided first to buy his bakery and put some money aside, When he's an old man, he's going to spend a month in Africa. he never realized that people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of."

The Alchemist, Coehlo

yours going to sleep every minute of the day,
jess