dear jess,
i fear i have fallen out of love. Where once i would shiver with passion, i now shun in cold. Where once i would be jealous of everyone else being with him, i now am ignorant to his existance.
When i first met him, i was head, heels over him. I wanted him so much, i threw everything away, just to be with him. I waited a year, then i left what i knew, my job, and stepped into new unknown territory.
We always had our cherished times. We pursued the dream together. We went to auditions, we were there when mark, as much a novice as us was nominated at the first kakiseni awards!, when we first performed at bangsar, when joe hasham directed us, when we were sharing hugs with dato' rahim, a.k.a my bapak!, when we saw gavin put his skirt and heels on, when we saw edwin strutt along in his G-string (eew), when bernie shared make up tips with us, and so much more.
We were also there when directors screamed at us, when most auditions became rejections, when rehearsals finished at 1 and work began at 9 the next day. We were there when everyone we knew 'made it' but us.
He use to be able to give me chills. One that made me shudder with excitement of the very chance of performing, or just watching others perform. There is no other feeling like the feeling of the last 5 seconds before you go on stage. And that, that was what i used to live for, to feel the strike of fear of not being able to perform, and trying to rise above it. It was the high he gave me.
I ask myself if i still love him? I dont know, but i will always have a special place for the arts in my heart, and hopefully one day i will fall head and heals again.
The reward of art is not fame or success but intoxication: that is why so many bad artists are unable to give it up.
- Jean Cocteau
love,
jess
i fear i have fallen out of love. Where once i would shiver with passion, i now shun in cold. Where once i would be jealous of everyone else being with him, i now am ignorant to his existance.
When i first met him, i was head, heels over him. I wanted him so much, i threw everything away, just to be with him. I waited a year, then i left what i knew, my job, and stepped into new unknown territory.
We always had our cherished times. We pursued the dream together. We went to auditions, we were there when mark, as much a novice as us was nominated at the first kakiseni awards!, when we first performed at bangsar, when joe hasham directed us, when we were sharing hugs with dato' rahim, a.k.a my bapak!, when we saw gavin put his skirt and heels on, when we saw edwin strutt along in his G-string (eew), when bernie shared make up tips with us, and so much more.
We were also there when directors screamed at us, when most auditions became rejections, when rehearsals finished at 1 and work began at 9 the next day. We were there when everyone we knew 'made it' but us.
He use to be able to give me chills. One that made me shudder with excitement of the very chance of performing, or just watching others perform. There is no other feeling like the feeling of the last 5 seconds before you go on stage. And that, that was what i used to live for, to feel the strike of fear of not being able to perform, and trying to rise above it. It was the high he gave me.
I ask myself if i still love him? I dont know, but i will always have a special place for the arts in my heart, and hopefully one day i will fall head and heals again.
The reward of art is not fame or success but intoxication: that is why so many bad artists are unable to give it up.
- Jean Cocteau
love,
jess
1 comment:
maybe you're now in a "flirtatious" mood...
Flirting with other things around you..
I'm sure one day you'll be in love with him all over again... oh and btw, if you forgot, you matchmake me with "her" remember?? ;)
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