dear jess,
As i start to take my clothes off i can feel the cold wind blow against my neck. No, this is far from a short porn romance, the irony of that statement, but hopefully just as daring. What does being nude feel like? In front of prying eyes? I start to shiver because as much of a beauty as people proclaim naked bodies to be, they are shameful. How can anything God create be a shame? As i stand there my mind takes me away to the days of Rome, when men's physique were worship and made statues of.
I look down, and i see that there have been spots and marks that ive never even notice were there before. Then i try to cry, but fail, the emotion seemingly stuck halfway in my throat. I curse, then the eyes, already staring at me with great piercing depth becomes fiery.
I think for an endless moment what i should do in this horrible situation. Having failed to come up with a solution, and being unable to run away my mind starts to wander.
No one is ever free to run naked without being ridiculed. Our bodies are a product of everyone else but us, what everyone thinks but us, we are never us. We never dare to be ourselves, we never say what we think and and we are never honest.
We never tell the guy who makes a mockery out of us at work how we feel, we never stand up for ourselves, we never move to make a difference in an ever suffering world although we dream it, we never tell our best friends that the shirt they wear makes them look like crap, we never, never, God forbid cross that line of social politeness and etiquette.
When we go to church we become even more a fake than we already are. We put our little halo's and sit on the pews, we smile and greet whilst at the back of our minds we think that we'd rather be in bed, or out bitching about the person we just wished good morning to. We put other people, religions and denominations down whilst we sit on that same pew, that has a stamp of how our butt looks like whilst people suffer all over the world, we say yes, lets love one another. We never tell others that we're struggling with issues of sex and porn because we'd rather be unreal than admit that we are forgiven humans.
We watch someone perform then say "good job" and try to smile, whilst hiding the obvious, we become trademarks of who our parents want us to be, and because we're too young or too insecure we never dare show them who we really are or what we really think of them, we never say no simply because we are tired or we just dont feel like seeing your face today. Instead we say yes, because we need to be nice.
We never let other people see us pick our noses, and we will never tell them straight to their faces that we dont like them.
We never, never take our clothes off in public. Because really its shameful. Isnt it?. We never notice what we really look like naked and we fear being honest with everyone and ourselves. We will never be who we really are, or even come close to knowing who we are, and we will always live within the barriers of social norms. We will never talk back to our parents or bosses, and they will never know how we really feel or think, allowing them to assume we are who they want us to be. And we always will, just be.
We will always hide underneath the big t-shirts and cute baby tee's that will clothe our bulging fats, and of course our... for the sake of being polite, i will restrain what i really want to say.
See? we will never be naked in public and create shock, but truthfulness. We will never be the person at our death, be spoken of as the one who spoke the truth, but instead we probably will be the one that was 'nice to everyone' and as everyone departs from our funeral, they'll go away thinking that we liked them.
We'd rather stride around in our clown suits, than proudly walk naked in public.
"As a gay man, ive found that its easier for me to get sex on the streets than to get a hug in church"
yours,
jess
As i start to take my clothes off i can feel the cold wind blow against my neck. No, this is far from a short porn romance, the irony of that statement, but hopefully just as daring. What does being nude feel like? In front of prying eyes? I start to shiver because as much of a beauty as people proclaim naked bodies to be, they are shameful. How can anything God create be a shame? As i stand there my mind takes me away to the days of Rome, when men's physique were worship and made statues of.
I look down, and i see that there have been spots and marks that ive never even notice were there before. Then i try to cry, but fail, the emotion seemingly stuck halfway in my throat. I curse, then the eyes, already staring at me with great piercing depth becomes fiery.
I think for an endless moment what i should do in this horrible situation. Having failed to come up with a solution, and being unable to run away my mind starts to wander.
No one is ever free to run naked without being ridiculed. Our bodies are a product of everyone else but us, what everyone thinks but us, we are never us. We never dare to be ourselves, we never say what we think and and we are never honest.
We never tell the guy who makes a mockery out of us at work how we feel, we never stand up for ourselves, we never move to make a difference in an ever suffering world although we dream it, we never tell our best friends that the shirt they wear makes them look like crap, we never, never, God forbid cross that line of social politeness and etiquette.
When we go to church we become even more a fake than we already are. We put our little halo's and sit on the pews, we smile and greet whilst at the back of our minds we think that we'd rather be in bed, or out bitching about the person we just wished good morning to. We put other people, religions and denominations down whilst we sit on that same pew, that has a stamp of how our butt looks like whilst people suffer all over the world, we say yes, lets love one another. We never tell others that we're struggling with issues of sex and porn because we'd rather be unreal than admit that we are forgiven humans.
We watch someone perform then say "good job" and try to smile, whilst hiding the obvious, we become trademarks of who our parents want us to be, and because we're too young or too insecure we never dare show them who we really are or what we really think of them, we never say no simply because we are tired or we just dont feel like seeing your face today. Instead we say yes, because we need to be nice.
We never let other people see us pick our noses, and we will never tell them straight to their faces that we dont like them.
We never, never take our clothes off in public. Because really its shameful. Isnt it?. We never notice what we really look like naked and we fear being honest with everyone and ourselves. We will never be who we really are, or even come close to knowing who we are, and we will always live within the barriers of social norms. We will never talk back to our parents or bosses, and they will never know how we really feel or think, allowing them to assume we are who they want us to be. And we always will, just be.
We will always hide underneath the big t-shirts and cute baby tee's that will clothe our bulging fats, and of course our... for the sake of being polite, i will restrain what i really want to say.
See? we will never be naked in public and create shock, but truthfulness. We will never be the person at our death, be spoken of as the one who spoke the truth, but instead we probably will be the one that was 'nice to everyone' and as everyone departs from our funeral, they'll go away thinking that we liked them.
We'd rather stride around in our clown suits, than proudly walk naked in public.
"As a gay man, ive found that its easier for me to get sex on the streets than to get a hug in church"
yours,
jess
1 comment:
Coincidentally, I have also explored a similar thought like this in my blog before.
Every social conduct, every definition of right or wrong, every interpretation of what is holy, godly etc... are just templates.
You can be as individual and express yourself as much as you want... as long as it is approved by the strict rules by popular standards
Like a dog free to roam whereever he wants as long as it is within the radius of his leash
We are just puppets being pulled by strings called society and religion.
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