ViSiTaTioN hOUrS bEgiNs nOw..

Dear jess,

This is where confusion, anger and annoyance become one. If someone were to say to me that im a person who seeks attention, (all the time that is) and for one second id let myself believe that that is true, this will be an exception ill keep in mind. So apparently I’m sick. And someone, apparently, wants to visit me. Now with a normal person this wouldn’t bother them the least, with an attention seeker, she’d jump at the opportunity, but with me? Annoyance, annoyance, annoyance.

My sweet visitor wannabe, whom I’m sure has the best interest in heart (and I say this without sarcasm-yet) text messages my mother to say ‘I hear jess is sick, can we (who’s we?) visit her?

What’s wrong with a sweet urge like that? I’m tempted to call it blind hypocrisy, im sure God is going to punish me. She does not message me to ask me how I am, but my mother? And she wants to visit me???? Personally, im still sure she meant well, and yet im still left annoyed.

So there it is, jess’s theory three-thousand-and-twenty-two. Blind Hypocrisy- the ability to be a hypocrite, without knowing it.. This theory brings to memory people who are accustomed to wanting to be nice that its simply done out of habit, duty..

Now, there’s only one other person who knows im sick, a certain boy I was and is and forever will try to avoid from seeing, being or even remotely having to converse with. My theory (three-thousand-and-twenty-three) is that he put her up to this visitation nonsense perhaps?

Which brings me back to theory three-thousand-and-twenty-two. I want to avoid annoying boy. Boy wants to go have drink. Once im better and regained my voice, and lacking in excuses from seeing him do I :-

a) become theory three-thousand-and-twenty-two and fake niceness? Have tea, be polite, and let him think he is charming hoping he’ll never bother me again?
b) avoid him and use all the excuses I can come up with till it’s a dead end?
c) be honest. Tell him I’m not comfortable with him, and admittedly we’re not friends anymore, so just leave me alone?

You see, this is the problem with being Asian, for one, and being an Asian Christian, secondly. We fake niceness, because we’re suppose to be. And we punish honesty, because that’s ‘not nice’.

Do I have the guts to tell him to bugger off? Hell no. im half Chinese. The other half of me? That’s the culture that dodges everything, especially appointments...

*pauses to breath*

bugger off, oops I mean, *smiles* I appreciated you having read this…

sugar, spice and everything nice,
…….